As a human species, we all worry. Sometimes we don’t know how to turn off the worry. We worry about big things, Is my daughter marrying the right person? We worry about small things, Do these shoes match my outfit? We worry about things over which we have control, How much money should I carry with me? And about things over which we have no control, can we have a relationship, or am I forever stuck in the “friend zone?” Well, what if you had access to instant relief for any worry whatsoever?
          “I tell you, Doc. I’m driving myself crazy.” Amanda combed her hand through her hair with exasperation. “I can’t turn it off. You know, the worry. I can’t tell anybody how worried I am about everything because, you know, then they will think I’m crazy.” She let out a frantic yelp to emphasize her frantic state.
          “Amanda, look at me,” I calmed my voice to bring her back from the brink. “Let’s deal with the now.” Amanda puzzled with my wording. “Take slow, deep breaths for a moment.” She wrinkled her nose and cocked her head. “I know. Just humor your shrink for a moment.”
          Amanda giggled softly but settled back in her chair, closed her eyes, and laid her hands in her lap. She then took a deep breath.
          “That’s it,” I encouraged softly, “breathe in deeply, pause a moment, and then breathe out slowly. Imagine breathing in calm, quiet, comfort, embracing it, and then breathing out the depleted stress, worry, and anxiety. Each breath intake gives you more calm and comfort.”
          “Now, when you feel together for the moment, open your eyes and let’s talk,” I concluded. When Amanda opened her eyes, she smiled at me. “Feel better? Less anxious?” “A little bit,” she demurred.
“Okay then.” I changed gears. “Would you mind if I gave you instant relief from all worries, anytime, anywhere?”
      “That would be a great trick,” Amanda laughed lightly. “Bring it on.”
           I then explained that, in our brains, every worry begins with the unspoken question “What if…?” followed by a negative expectation. I asked her for some examples from her experience. She had many such “what if” questions, each ramping up her anxiety.
          “What do you think would happen if you traded those ‘what if’ questions in for ‘I wonder’ statements, adding a positive expectation to your wonder?” I continued. “For example, you worry about buying a new dress for your friend’s wedding. Your brain unconsciously questions, ‘what if I want something I can’t afford?’ What if questions generate anxiety and worry.” I wonder statements generate calm and curiosity.
          “Suppose you practice turning ‘what if’ statements into ‘I wonder questions, with positive outcomes,” I challenged. “What might that be?”
“I guess I could be curious about my circumstances and wonder where I could find a nice dress I could afford.”
“There you go,” I clapped for her. “Instead of worry and anxiety, you’re feeling curious and motivated to do something creative.”
            So, instant relief from every worry comes when you calm yourself down and turn your “what if” questions into “I wonder” curiosities, adding a positive outcome to motivate calming change.
         Amanda’s story continues in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Buy your copy on amazonbooks.com at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings, Dr. Jon

​          With the new year upon us, it’s time to shift gears and restart the engine. Endings always precede new beginnings. New beginnings can generate renewed hope. Being able to keep the negative parts of our past behind us gives us room to expand our hopefulness for the new beginnings of a new year.
          Kelly’s boyfriend for the past two years broke up with her right before the holiday break from school. They had met in biology class in the 10th grade. They were assigned to be lab partners and Kelly splattered goo all over Roger’s shirt while she dissected that poor. little kitty. Roger had called her his kitten thereafter. He could have been really mad at her, but he was gracious and forgiving.
          “Now, in our senior year, he chooses to dump me for some sophomore bimbo who puts out more than me,” Kelly explained to me during her first therapy appointment with me.
          “I’m so sorry, Kelly,” I began. “Bummer. That was a crummy thing for him to do,” I paused, “The breakup came from out of the blue?”
          “Nah. We had been fighting more and more these past few months,” Kelly tapped her foot nervously.
          “So, what do you think that means? Could he have actually done you a favor? If he was cheating on you, then good riddance, right?”
            Kelly paused, sighed, and conclude reluctantly, “I guess so.”
          “And just in time to start a new year without the baggage of a less than fulfilling relationship. A new year and new beginnings,” I concluded, “Let’s find that hope.”
          Kelly stayed in my clinical care for three months. I introduced her to mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT). She embraced mindfulness to help her not go back to painful past events and focus on the present. Even with her pain of breakup, I used positive psychology to help her find gratitude for things and people around her. After processing her pain of being dumped, I used cognitive behavioral strategies to change negative events into blessings, behavioral prescriptions to expand her social networking, and therapeutic journalling to sort through all of her feelings and track her healing journey. By Spring Break, Kelly was in a new relationship and feeling like her better self.
          The healing journey you take with your patients is marked by treatment strategies of mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral interventions. The focus on mentalligence helps your patient use both the software (mental) of her brain and the hardware (intelligence) to shut down old, unhelpful pathways and secure new, healing pathways using the neurogenesis functioning of our brains.
          Kelly’s story and others come together in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Buy your copy on amazonbooks.com at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ.
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

             For some, the upcoming holidays are full of presents, family, fun and joy. For others? Not so much. Changes occur in life. Holidays mark the passing of time. When a loved one is not here anymore, when others have moved away, when downsizing makes gift-giving tough, we can get stuck. Got the holiday blues? I’ve got some suggestions.
          “I hate the holidays,” Becky stomped her 5-year-old feet as she protested. “I never get what I want, and what I do get I have to share with stupid old Abby. Her three-year-old sister turned her head when she heard her name. “It’s not fair, she screamed as she fell to the floor, kicking her feet.
      Dana came running into the family room from the kitchen after hearing the commotion. She gathered her oldest daughter in her arms. “Hey, baby girl, you’re so upset!” She hugged her tightly, “What’s going on?” Becky just continued crying in her arms for a while, as her mom soothed her.
          Through hiccups and deep breaths, Becky whispered, “I miss Nana. She was here last year, and now she’s not.” Becky nestled in her mama’s arms.
          “I know, sweetheart. I miss her too.”
          “I was her favorite, but don’t tell Abby.”
          Dana laughed softly before assuring her daughter, “I won’t, darling. That’ll just be between you and me.” Becky calmed and smiled at their shared secret. “Hey, punkin, I’m baking cookies. Do you want to lick the bowl?”
             “Mmm, yummy,” she agreed as she clamored down from her mama’s lap.
          The holiday blues are triggered by many things. Becky’s mom helped her settle down by first acknowledging her feelings and then distracting her with a fun activity. She used mindfulness to pull her daughter from the sad past and into a fun activity present. She could use elements of positive psychology by asking Becky what fond memories she has of her Nana. She could reframe her upset at her loss by suggesting that missing Nana and the fun time they had together was a way of continuing to love her. That reframe could also result in Becky and her mama writing her Nana a note, where she might list the fun things she enjoyed this past year, since her Nana had died.
          In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I share a new psychotherapy treatment, Mentalligent Psychotherapy (MPT). I elaborate on the unique ways that mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral interventions can be woven seamlessly together to help you get unstuck and begin soaring to new heights of contentment and resilience. Buy your copy online at amazonbooks.com by going to https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Happy Holidays,
Dr. Jon