Meet my guest contributor and home project maven, Lily Tomkin. Find her at [email protected].
      Whenever you see someone that you love to be out of sorts, they’re angry, frustrated, puzzled, stressed. These things indicate they are having an emotional fever. Active listening is your go-to response with them to help their emotional fever go down and get back in sorts. The following are projects to take on when things are going well. In these moments, look for teachable moments to help your kids build character, embrace the moment, and find joy.
Hammer Out Happiness: Fun Family Projects to Strengthen Bonds 
     Engaging in home improvement projects not only revitalizes your living space but also offers a unique opportunity to strengthen family connections through collaborative efforts and shared goals. Whether you're crafting a serene backyard retreat or redesigning your kitchen, each project can teach valuable skills and foster teamwork. Courtesy of Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, Explore these exciting and educational DIY projects that promise not only to transform your home but also to enhance the bonds within your family.
Crafting a family retreat in your back yard      Imagine transforming your backyard into a haven where every family member feels connected. Start by planning a simple carpentry project, such as building a gazebo or a deck. This venture not only teaches carpentry skills but also encourages teamwork as everyone pitches in. The process of measuring, cutting, and assembling can be a wonderful learning experience for children and a satisfying challenge for adults.
Transforming Your Home Office into a Stress-Free Zone      As remote work becomes more prevalent, having a functional and stress-free home office is crucial. Collaborate with your family to design a workspace that meets everyone's needs. Introduce an efficient storage system for paper records, enhance the area with ample lighting, and invest in ergonomic furniture to support well-being during work hours. This project not only improves productivity but also teaches organizational skills.
Knowing When to Ask for Help
      If you hit a speed bump or just are past your comfort zone, there’s no shame in asking for help – in fact, this sets an excellent example for your family! You don't always need to hire a pro and pay the hefty fee for the first hour of work, either, since there are websites and apps that can give you insights. For instance, this one can help by providing you with experience in electrical troubleshooting that can save you a bundle in the long run.
 Designing the Perfect Patio for Family Gatherings
      A patio can serve as the heart of the home, especially when it's equipped with comfortable seating and a warm fire pit. Work together to choose the right materials and design a layout that invites relaxation and conversation. Installing the patio can be a rewarding project, where each family member can contribute, from laying bricks to selecting outdoor furniture, creating a cherished space for family gatherings.
Creating a Cozy Reading Nook      Foster a family love for reading by designing a cozy corner dedicated to books. Build built-in shelves and create comfortable seating to encourage hours of reading. This project not only adds charm to your home but also serves as a quiet refuge where family members can unwind with their favorite stories.
Constructing a Fun-Filled Play Area     For families with young children, constructing a play area with swings, slides, and climbing structures can be a delightful project. This activity not only provides a safe play environment in your backyard but also allows you to spend quality time constructing it together. It’s a perfect way to teach kids about safety and creativity while ensuring they have fun.
Cooking Up Kitchen Updates      The kitchen is often the center of the home. Update your kitchen cabinets, countertops, and backsplash to refresh this essential space. Involve your family in selecting materials and styles, and work together on the installation. This project is not only a great way to upgrade your kitchen but also an opportunity to spend time together learning about design and function.
Growing Together with Raised Garden Beds 
    Building and planting raised garden beds for vegetables and flowers can be a nurturing family activity. This project teaches gardening skills and the importance of patience and care in growing food. It’s also a delightful way to introduce young children to nature and the cycle of life.
    Through these diverse DIY home improvement projects, you can create a more functional and inviting home while also bringing your family closer together. Each project offers a chance to build not just structures, but also relationships, as you work together toward common goals. Whether it's constructing a backyard retreat or transforming a kitchen, the joy comes from both the process and the results, making every effort worthwhile.
 Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson is an author, Christian Psychologist, and speaker who’d love to hear from you! His website is www.authorjonrobinson.com, and his books are available on www.amazonbooks.com. You can reach contributor Lily Tomkin at [email protected].  Blessings, Dr. Jon

     Have you ever grieved a loss? Of course you have. Mostly, you’ve lost your keys, the directions to where you are going, and other such minor things. Aggravating mostly.
          If we haven’t yet, most of us will lose a loved one in death, or be fired or downsized from a job, or lost that one special person whom you thought was for life but who told you, “I just can’t do this anymore.” These kinds of major losses are more than depressing. They are painful and hard to get over. Grieving, as a big part of getting past these losses, is a normal part of the mental health process.
          Most of us go first to our closest friends and confidantes to start the grieving. We get solace, comfort, and encouragement that we’ll get through it all. If we don’t, get through it, that is, then some of us will take the positive step of getting professional help. Getting into psychotherapy is an excellent way to navigate the grieving, accept the blessing, and find something positive you can take away from your loss.
          There’s been a lot of scientific research on grieving and recovering from a profound, personal loss. The Grand Dame of grieving literature is Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. Her research led her to identify the five typical stages of loss. Although each person grieves in their own way, studies show that most people take about 2 years to successfully navigate the five stages of loss.
          Kubler-Ross identified these stages as: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. There is no lock-step sequence nor timing. We often go back and forth between stages, and each takes more or less time, depending on many factors.
          Basically, after the abject shock of being presented with the loss, we first respond with total Denial. “No, no, no. This can’t be happening. We’re going to meet up later this week. He’s just away. He’ll be back for our meeting.” When confronted with the loss, our denial begins to crack, as reality sets in. Still unaccepting of the loss, we then get angry. “How could he do this to me? Get away from me. I don’t need your sympathy. Does he think he’s going to leave me…with all of this?”
          To mitigate our overwhelming anger, and feeling powerless to go forward, we move into a Bargaining stage of grieving. “If he doesn’t die, God, I promise I’ll go to church every week.” “Don’t leave me, mama. I’ll be good. I’ll do all my chores.” “Please, I’m begging you, don’t go.”
          Recognizing that we ultimately are helpless to change the circumstances, and the loss has happened, we always fall into an expected Depression. We are overwhelmed, beyond sad, gushing tearfulness, recognizing that our loss is real. “Oh, God. This is really happening. How can I continue without her? My life will never be the same again.”
          Finally, with a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, we ascend to the mountain of Acceptance. It’s still hard to believe, but we will go on. We’ll even make something good and positive out of our loss. “I don’t like it, but I must go on. I want to honor him in some way. Although he is really gone, I will always carry a piece of him with me…for guidance and clarity.”
          Mentalligent Psychotherapy (MPT), www.authorjonrobinson.com, is an excellent way to help your client through her loss. The components of MPT, which are mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavior strategies, seem tailor-made to lift grieving folks from their loss.
          After hearing your patient’s story of loss, be empathetic and fully actively listen. Give her whatever time she needs to tell her story and to collect herself. It may take several sessions just to accomplish this settling down.
          When she seems ready, introduce mentalligent psychotherapy as a healing journey, inviting her let you guide her through the stages of loss and grieving.
Mindfulness sets the tone for healing by helping your patient focus on her now. Being present gives her space to be distant from her loss. Some folks benefit from imagining themselves in a movie theater, as their own film director, watching their story unfold on the movie screen. They can tease out every detail, change their script, although not the loss outcome, and navigate their healing.
Positive psychology and its attending strategies encourage both her perspective on what happened and her focus on her future. Loss tends to focus on the negative, the “if only’s, and woulda-coulda-shoulda’s.” Helping her focus on her character strengths will help her use them to get through the loss. Seligman’s Values in Action Inventory of Strengths is a resource.
 Several cognitive behavioral strategies help her land in the last stage of acceptance. Primarily, use cognitive reframing to find what good has come to her from experiencing the loss. Writing a list of gratification gives her a resource to remember all she drew from her lost relationship. Using a daily journal helps her keep track of her healing and continually focus on her now, while making plans for her future.
Grieving is a normal mental health issue that we all experience to a greater or lesser extent. Mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) provides a means of healing from grieving and loss. For more information, check out my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life (Amazon Books, 2024).
Blessings,
Jon