Messy gets a bad rap, ya know? If you like everything in its place, own it. If you live in a world of mess, own that. It’s not how you are. It’s who you are. Messy is just a descriptor, not a definer.
          Messy is both okay and also interesting and informative. When you are messy, you place your unique signature on your world. You enhance your capacity to learn, unlearn, and relearn what’s important to you. Often, messy is the starting point of your healing journey.
                   Someone comes to you and, as introduction, tells you that they want to “clean up my act.” He may be denying his identity and putting on what he thinks others want to see. Here’s an old Chinese proverb. Which do you want to be:
Tension is who you think you should be.
Relaxation is who you are.
          So, being messy conveys a sense of physical, spatial, and emotional relaxation. A little-known neuromuscular fact is that it takes nine facial muscles to smile, but 41 facial muscles to frown. So, the body actually has to work harder being tense ad stressed than it does being relaxed.
          Now, messy does not necessarily convey a lack of order or organization to your life. Rather, being messy challenges you to ask, who’s in charge of my life? Do I make a concerted effort to present a “good front,” to “make a good impression?” If so, then order and organization are in charge of your life.
          It’s hard to fake mess, but it’s okay to be messy. Simply let things be, adapt, adjust, and move through your life. Order and organization will not be in charge but may be a by-product of your life.
          “I’m sorry I’m late. It wasn’t traffic. I set my alarm in time to be here. I just lost track,” Amber frequently started her sessions with an excuse for being 5-10 minutes late.
          “You know what? I’m really glad you are here,” I responded as Amber settled in. “I’m impressed with how much effort you are making in your therapy. I get it. Life can be messy, but it’s what we do with the mess that matters. When you get here, you are all in. That’s what counts. Now, what’s been on your mind?”
          This excerpt from my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life (AmazonBooks, 2024) is an example of how mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) helps our patients accept who they are and use the tools of mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral strategies to embrace their healing journey to who they want to be. Your copy is available at ,  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ.
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

           Stress, we all have it. Some of it is good stuff, called eustress. Most of it is bad stuff, called distress. Resilience, we all want it. When we are resilient, we can embrace the eustress and minimize the distress in our lives. So, how do stress-resilient people succeed in life, where others fail?
       In 2009, psychologist John B. Arden wrote The Habits of Stress-Resilient People: A Brain-Based Perspective, through the Institute of Behavioral Health. In this seminal work, he outlined five resiliency factors that lead to one’s success over stress. These five factors generate the acronym:

1. S – Social
2. E – Exercise
3. E – Education
4. D – Diet
5. S – Sleep

               Jody came for her scheduled appointment with me, running a little
late. She settled into “her” chair in my office and I in mine beside her. We swiveled to address each other.
          “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I smiled and started. “Deep breaths…that’s it…You seem rushed and frazzled. What’s up?”
              “Doc, you don’t know the half of it,” Jody sighed deeply. Having just returned from her second maternity leave to her teaching 5th graders, she was highly stressed.
          “I don’t know whether I’m coming or going,” she blew out her exasperation. “Between new class assignments, grading papers, babies crying, and trying to keep peace everywhere, I’m overwhelmed.”
              “I can’t imagine the constant tugs on your time and attention from all directions,” I consoled. “But tell me this. What are you doing to give yourself stress relief.”
          “I can’t imagine. Too much time just putting out fires at home and at school. Whew!”
          “I have some thoughts about what you can do. Do you want to hear them?”
          “Go for it.”
          I then shared with Jody the S.E.E.D.S. acronym. The Social stress relief option could be calling her bestie on the way home from school each day, just to catch up or blow off steam. Another could be planning a date night with her husband. An Exercise stress relief option could be walking or jogging either before going to work or after supper, while hubby takes care of the babies.
          The Education option could be scheduling a couple getaway combined with a continuing education seminar. The Diet option could be planning healthy meals around the week’s activities. I would also add to Dr. Arden’s acronym another “D” option. That would be Delegating. Do what absolutely can only be done by you and then bring in the troops. It does take a village.
          Finally, the Sleep option includes always shooting for 8-10 hours of sleep per night, safeguarding the bedroom only for sleep and intimacy, no screen time there, and maintaining a stress-limiting sleep routine. Baby needs during sleep time can be shared with hubby.
          In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, which you can find at  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ, incorporates the S.E.E.D.S. acronym into the healing journey. The mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral strategies of mentaligent psychotherapy (MPT) help focus on generating stress-resilient strategies.
Blessings,
Jon