being strong all the time -- curse or blessing?

         We live in a world where strength is considered an asset. We are able to “leap tall buildings with a single bound,” as Superman used to say. We are “there for you,” as one might say to an intimate partner. We get projects finished on time, or even early, never missing a beat. So, is being strong a blessing? Probably, especially for those around the strong one.
          But the kicker is when you feel like you HAVE TO be strong ALL THE TIME. Blessing? Not so much. It takes superhuman energy, direction, and focus to always be there for others. No down time allowed. The frustration becomes, “When do I get to be there for me?”
          When I was 12 years old, my then 17-year-old brother, Carl, had an accident that resulted in his body paralysis from the neck down. He became a quadriplegic. It was a gymnastics accident. I remember going to the school with my dad and finding him contorted on the floor in the hall where they had been practicing their routines.
          Sometime later, during his adjustment and after Carl returned home from months of hospitalization and rehabilitation, my folks pulled me aside and told me that they were going to have to tend to my brother much more, but they also wanted me to have “a normal adolescence,” implying that I would not be a part of that process.
Rather than feeling relieved, I felt disconnected, set apart. Well, that didn’t go well and probably set in motion my path into clinical psychology. I became my brother’s live-in physical therapist and confidante.
          Years later, after soldiering on meticulously, my mom sat with me and teared up. This was not like her at all. We talked about her care for Carl and the time and effort she put into that to get it all done. She admitted to being exhausted and worn down but not having the time to relax.  Her conclusion? “Why do I always have to be the strong one?”
I held her and let her cry. Talk about role reversal 😊
          Now I know that her sheer exhaustion in the moment wasn’t about being strong. It was about boundaries, about balancing other-care with self-care, about giving yourself the right to self-care and knowing that your replenishment of self actually is the foundation for being strong for others. The curse of being strong “all the time” becomes a blessing with healthy boundaries, taking mini-breaks, scheduling occasional time off, and delegating appropriately.
          In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I share with you this and other examples of setting healthy boundaries, balancing self-and other-care, and being emotionally strong in healthy relationships. Find your copy on amazonbooks.com. Use this link now. https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

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