do you want to get or give?

Do You Want to Get or Give?
For my last 3 podcasts, I have shared with you 3 mental pathways on your healing journey. These pathways help you move from stuckness to soaring, from adversity to resilience. They are:

1. Your journey away from focusing on what’s wrong to embracing what’s right.
2. Your journey away from a one-and-done mindset, which generates instability, to become more resilient.
3. Your journey from believing the sky is falling, which breeds fear, to embracing critical thinking.

        Now, a critical question you want to ask yourself is this. Do you want to get or give? Which is a clearer path to your happiness? To find calm, resilience, and emotional fulfillment, let me guide you on your journey from a consumer-generated perspective to gratitude thinking, the 4th mental pathway.
       Mark had been in weekly psychotherapy with me for about a month. At 35, he had checked off all the items on his do-list to date. Finished his schooling, check. Married, check. Two children, boy and girl, check. Started his own IP company, check. Moved into his dream home with a pool, in a great neighborhood with the best private schools for his kids, check.
       “So, tell me, Doc,” he asked after listing his accomplishments. “Why do I wake up every morning dreading another day? I have no right to be so depressed, he concluded.
Mark was clearly stuck with all of his “stuff.”
         “Ya know, Mark, I began, “I don’t think you’re going to find happiness with more stuff. You have what we call a consumer-generated perspective on life.” Mark shot a puzzled look my way. “Now,” I chuckled, “sellers love your consumer-generated perspective. That’s how they make their living. You, on the other hand, that’s how you make misery.”
        “I can’t imagine giving it all up. I’ve worked so hard, spent so much time and money accumulating my wealth.” He slumped deeper in his chair.
       “Don’t get me wrong, Mark,” I consoled, laying a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to give it up. The question is, however, does your stuff own you or do you own your stuff? Do you want to get or give?
          Mark sighed, leaning forward in his chair, head in his hands.
         “So, you know what gratitude is, right?”
         “Sure,” Mark responded. “It’s like being grateful, thankful for my stuff.”
        “Well,” I added, “It’s more than that. It includes making time to enjoy life. Sharing with others. Being emotionally intimate with loved ones. Recognizing your joyfulness with life and others. Less getting. More giving.”
         In keeping with my MPT treatment strategies, I gave Mark a behavioral prescription to make a list of 10 for which he is grateful and share it with his wife. Then note in his daily feeling log the impact of his gratitude on his depression scale.
     Mark’s story continues in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Buy your copy at AmazonBooks.com by clicking here, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ     Blessings, Dr. Jon

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