got the holiday blues?

             For some, the upcoming holidays are full of presents, family, fun and joy. For others? Not so much. Changes occur in life. Holidays mark the passing of time. When a loved one is not here anymore, when others have moved away, when downsizing makes gift-giving tough, we can get stuck. Got the holiday blues? I’ve got some suggestions.
          “I hate the holidays,” Becky stomped her 5-year-old feet as she protested. “I never get what I want, and what I do get I have to share with stupid old Abby. Her three-year-old sister turned her head when she heard her name. “It’s not fair, she screamed as she fell to the floor, kicking her feet.
      Dana came running into the family room from the kitchen after hearing the commotion. She gathered her oldest daughter in her arms. “Hey, baby girl, you’re so upset!” She hugged her tightly, “What’s going on?” Becky just continued crying in her arms for a while, as her mom soothed her.
          Through hiccups and deep breaths, Becky whispered, “I miss Nana. She was here last year, and now she’s not.” Becky nestled in her mama’s arms.
          “I know, sweetheart. I miss her too.”
          “I was her favorite, but don’t tell Abby.”
          Dana laughed softly before assuring her daughter, “I won’t, darling. That’ll just be between you and me.” Becky calmed and smiled at their shared secret. “Hey, punkin, I’m baking cookies. Do you want to lick the bowl?”
             “Mmm, yummy,” she agreed as she clamored down from her mama’s lap.
          The holiday blues are triggered by many things. Becky’s mom helped her settle down by first acknowledging her feelings and then distracting her with a fun activity. She used mindfulness to pull her daughter from the sad past and into a fun activity present. She could use elements of positive psychology by asking Becky what fond memories she has of her Nana. She could reframe her upset at her loss by suggesting that missing Nana and the fun time they had together was a way of continuing to love her. That reframe could also result in Becky and her mama writing her Nana a note, where she might list the fun things she enjoyed this past year, since her Nana had died.
          In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I share a new psychotherapy treatment, Mentalligent Psychotherapy (MPT). I elaborate on the unique ways that mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral interventions can be woven seamlessly together to help you get unstuck and begin soaring to new heights of contentment and resilience. Buy your copy online at amazonbooks.com by going to https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Happy Holidays,
Dr. Jon

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