instant relief from any worry

      As a human species, we all worry. Sometimes we don’t know how to turn off the worry. We worry about big things, Is my daughter marrying the right person? We worry about small things, Do these shoes match my outfit? We worry about things over which we have control, How much money should I carry with me? And about things over which we have no control, can we have a relationship, or am I forever stuck in the “friend zone?” Well, what if you had access to instant relief for any worry whatsoever?
          “I tell you, Doc. I’m driving myself crazy.” Amanda combed her hand through her hair with exasperation. “I can’t turn it off. You know, the worry. I can’t tell anybody how worried I am about everything because, you know, then they will think I’m crazy.” She let out a frantic yelp to emphasize her frantic state.
          “Amanda, look at me,” I calmed my voice to bring her back from the brink. “Let’s deal with the now.” Amanda puzzled with my wording. “Take slow, deep breaths for a moment.” She wrinkled her nose and cocked her head. “I know. Just humor your shrink for a moment.”
          Amanda giggled softly but settled back in her chair, closed her eyes, and laid her hands in her lap. She then took a deep breath.
          “That’s it,” I encouraged softly, “breathe in deeply, pause a moment, and then breathe out slowly. Imagine breathing in calm, quiet, comfort, embracing it, and then breathing out the depleted stress, worry, and anxiety. Each breath intake gives you more calm and comfort.”
          “Now, when you feel together for the moment, open your eyes and let’s talk,” I concluded. When Amanda opened her eyes, she smiled at me. “Feel better? Less anxious?” “A little bit,” she demurred.
“Okay then.” I changed gears. “Would you mind if I gave you instant relief from all worries, anytime, anywhere?”
      “That would be a great trick,” Amanda laughed lightly. “Bring it on.”
           I then explained that, in our brains, every worry begins with the unspoken question “What if…?” followed by a negative expectation. I asked her for some examples from her experience. She had many such “what if” questions, each ramping up her anxiety.
          “What do you think would happen if you traded those ‘what if’ questions in for ‘I wonder’ statements, adding a positive expectation to your wonder?” I continued. “For example, you worry about buying a new dress for your friend’s wedding. Your brain unconsciously questions, ‘what if I want something I can’t afford?’ What if questions generate anxiety and worry.” I wonder statements generate calm and curiosity.
          “Suppose you practice turning ‘what if’ statements into ‘I wonder questions, with positive outcomes,” I challenged. “What might that be?”
“I guess I could be curious about my circumstances and wonder where I could find a nice dress I could afford.”
“There you go,” I clapped for her. “Instead of worry and anxiety, you’re feeling curious and motivated to do something creative.”
            So, instant relief from every worry comes when you calm yourself down and turn your “what if” questions into “I wonder” curiosities, adding a positive outcome to motivate calming change.
         Amanda’s story continues in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Buy your copy on amazonbooks.com at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings, Dr. Jon

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