it's okay to be messy!

          Messy gets a bad rap, ya know? If you like everything in its place, own it. If you live in a world of mess, own that. It’s not how you are. It’s who you are. Messy is just a descriptor, not a definer.
          Messy is both okay and also interesting and informative. When you are messy, you place your unique signature on your world. You enhance your capacity to learn, unlearn, and relearn what’s important to you. Often, messy is the starting point of your healing journey.
                   Someone comes to you and, as introduction, tells you that they want to “clean up my act.” He may be denying his identity and putting on what he thinks others want to see. Here’s an old Chinese proverb. Which do you want to be:
Tension is who you think you should be.
Relaxation is who you are.
          So, being messy conveys a sense of physical, spatial, and emotional relaxation. A little-known neuromuscular fact is that it takes nine facial muscles to smile, but 41 facial muscles to frown. So, the body actually has to work harder being tense ad stressed than it does being relaxed.
          Now, messy does not necessarily convey a lack of order or organization to your life. Rather, being messy challenges you to ask, who’s in charge of my life? Do I make a concerted effort to present a “good front,” to “make a good impression?” If so, then order and organization are in charge of your life.
          It’s hard to fake mess, but it’s okay to be messy. Simply let things be, adapt, adjust, and move through your life. Order and organization will not be in charge but may be a by-product of your life.
          “I’m sorry I’m late. It wasn’t traffic. I set my alarm in time to be here. I just lost track,” Amber frequently started her sessions with an excuse for being 5-10 minutes late.
          “You know what? I’m really glad you are here,” I responded as Amber settled in. “I’m impressed with how much effort you are making in your therapy. I get it. Life can be messy, but it’s what we do with the mess that matters. When you get here, you are all in. That’s what counts. Now, what’s been on your mind?”
          This excerpt from my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life (AmazonBooks, 2024) is an example of how mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) helps our patients accept who they are and use the tools of mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral strategies to embrace their healing journey to who they want to be. Your copy is available at ,  https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ.
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

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