the abc's of mastering resilience

​
     Resilience is the gold standard for effective stress management. Develop resilient habits and you can manage any stressful circumstance. The core of mentalligent psychotherapy is designed to generate resilience, no matter the issue at hand.
           In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I set the context for starting your healing journey and then introduce a new treatment strategy, mentalligent psychotherapy, which is geared toward generating resilience and overcoming any adversity in your life.
          Mandy was referred to me by her primary physician, who wanted her to supplement her use of antidepressant medication with a course of outpatient psychotherapy. During her first session with me, she told me that the meds seemed to stabilize her mood, but she didn’t feel better. With my best active listening, encouraging her to tell me how I could help her, Mandy launched into the Cliff Notes version of her life story.
          “Whew!” I jumped in as Mandy seemed to wind down. “I’m glad you are here. I can help.” Mandy nodded but looked away. “I have some thoughts.” I asked, “Can I share them with you?”
          I then briefly summed up her story, her frustrations, her stresses, her goals for her therapy. As I concluded, I asked if she thought I could help her get back on track with her life. She gave me a glimmer of a smile and nodded yes.
          At 22, Mandy was a 4th year student at the local university. She was also a sorority sister locally and on a partial scholarship as a soccer player. With that brief resume, Mandy felt like everybody expected her to always have it together. Oh, and she was a chemistry major as well.
          I then challenged Mandy to help me understand what’s right in her life. “You have the what’s wrong down pat, so I want to help you counterbalance that. Can you give that a try?”
          Mandy lowered her head to her chest and mumbled, “I don’t understand.” I prompted her and we jointly came up with 3 tangibles that could be included in her list of what’s right. “That’s a start. Can you try to give me a list of 10 items?” Mandy nodded more enthusiastically.
          With compassion and empathy, I reviewed her “stuff” and told her that I understand the “why” she is starting therapy. “But, I gotta be honest with you, Mandy. I’m much less of a why doctor than I am a what doctor.” Mandy wrinkled her brow but leaned forward in her chair.
          I continued, “Let’s start with, ‘why am I always in such a funk?’ but let’s embrace, ‘what can I do to help myself get and stay well? Deal?” She extended her hand, and we shook on it.
         Over 15 biweekly sessions, I helped Mandy understand the concept of mentalligence. She developed strategies to recover from her downward spirals of stuckness and find upward spirals of soaring. Mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) is a means of doing so. With MPT, I have taken 3 commonly used treatment strategies and woven them together as steps on the healing journey for my patients.
          First, help your patients understand and embrace mindfulness, as a source of being present in their lives. Stuff can readily get in their way. Being present gives them the opportunity to put stuff aside to work on feeling better. I encourage patients to use the mantra, That was then. This is now. I refuse to let then get in the way of my now. Progressive relaxation and five-sensory awareness are gateways to being in the present and being mindful.
     Second, MPT uses elements of positive psychology (Seligman & Csikszentmihalyi, 2000, Seligman, 2011) to help patients focus on what’s right and eschew what’s wrong. The Values-In-Action Inventory of Strengths is an evaluative tool from Seligman’s University of Pennsylvania research center that gives substance to your patient’s positive resources. Additionally, through the course of her therapy, Mandy kept a daily healing journal, made a gratitude list, and restructured her schedule to include breaks and time off to recharge.
          Third, when stress and stuckness come, and it frequently intrudes on our lives, MPT uses cognitive behavioral strategies to help patients redirect their energies. Mandy learned to identify extreme words that generate her stuckness. Such words include always, ever, never, only, would, could, and should. These and other such words limit our response options and keep other things or people in control of our lives.
            Finally, Mandy learned to focus on the blessing that comes from her specific adversity. With disappointments, frustrations, losses, misunderstandings, what can you learn from them and apply that learning to avoid further difficulties?
These are the ABC’s of mastering resilience, keeping stuckness at bay and finding ways to spiral upward in your life, soaring in your present, using your positive character strengths to counterbalance stress and adversity, and finding the hidden blessings in unexpected difficulties.
Blessings,
Jon

---