therapy stages on your healing journey

​Getting into therapy is a big, big step. First, you are acknowledging that your life, or a piece of your life has gone sideways. Second, you want to change things, how you feel, what you do. Third, you conclude that you are worth the effort. Great for you!!
          There are 4 stages of your healing journey in therapy. Having your first therapy appointment is actually the beginning of the second stage of therapy. In the beginning, we are all at the stage of Unconscious Ignorance. What that means is that we don’t know, and we don’t know that we don’t know. We’re just trolling along with our life, not realizing the issues that impair our journey. Our stuck-ness has been who we are for so long that we don’t realize we are stuck in unhealthy habits.
          If issues come up in our lives, we simply dismiss them as indication that “it’s just who I am.” Addressing issues and changing thoughts, feelings, and behavior are not even considered. “Why should I? There’s nothing wrong with me.”
          However, eventually a precipitating event comes along. Rather than initially being a big deal, usually it’s more like a series of events that begin to nudge you out of your comfort zone.
          Rarely does anyone have a Eureka moment. “Aha!! I have issues. I want to start therapy.” Most often, someone you love or someone who is close to you notices. “Are you all right? This isn’t like you. What’s wrong?” When stuck-ness is brought to light, we naturally try to correct the circumstances ourselves and with loved ones. False starts and good intentions follow.
          Somewhere in the meanderings of recognizing stuck-ness and trying to make positive changes, we begin the stage of Conscious Ignorance. Here, we know there’s a problem, have tried to work on it, and yet the problem continues. We are aware but don’t know what to do about it. With encouragement from well-intentioned loved ones who want you to “get over yourself,” the first therapy appointment is made.
          With new patients, after introductions and settling into my office, I ask, “How can I help?” Often, a reluctant patient responds, “Well, my wife thinks I need therapy.” With that, I think, “Okay, here we go.” Sometimes people are more attuned and start, “Well, we just got our daughter off to college and I miss her already. I’m not handling it well.”
          Much of the therapy process is a healing journey from Conscious Ignorance to Conscious Awareness, the third stage of therapy. With mentaligent psychotherapy (MPT), we help patients move from Why questions to What questions, focusing on that over which they have control. Mindfulness helps them stay present and observational, while positive psychology helps them move away from being reactive and toward being proactive with their lives, focusing on what works for them. Cognitive behavioral strategies help them embrace boundaries and functionality.
          The final and fourth stage of therapy is when your brain kicks into high gear. Having practiced new thoughts and behaviors with your therapist in session and having carried them home to engage family and friends differently, your brain has all-the-while begun developing new neural pathways. In therapy, you are moving from Conscious Awareness of your actions to Unconscious Awareness. You find yourself soaring away from stuck-ness. In time and with consistency, your brain uses its neurogenetic abilities to create new neural pathways for healthier response patterns. Instead of intentionally making changes, you are changing without even thinking about it. You embrace the new you!
          These four stages of therapy are markers on your healing journey. You will still have bumps in the road, but you now have skills to address them in healthier ways. Soaring through life works great!
Blessings, Jon

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