time to be there for me

​     Our lives are full of stress. Stress of all kinds. Pressures on our time, effort, relationships. Being stressed out is exhausting. Plus, it’s not just distress, the bad stuff. It’s also eustress, the Greek word for the good stuff. Nurturing a sick loved one can be distressful. Throwing a dinner party on a special occasion can be eustressful. The antidote for stress involves making time to be there for yourself.
          Lyra seemed to have it all together. A new mom to here 3-year-old Dakota, Lyra was constantly picking things up, coercing Dakota into helping. Then there were meals, laundry, the checkbook, and her own work as a hair stylist. She also pampered her husband, Adam. You know, he comes home tired and cranking when the numbers aren’t working for him. Adam worked in I.T.
          Everything seemed to be going fine, as she had expected it to. So, why did she have these debilitating migraines?
          “Hey, Lyra,” I started, “What’s the most fun thing you’ve done for yourself since I saw you last week?”
          “Wait, whaaat?” she puzzled, obviously caught off guard.
          “Well,” I continued, We’ve spent three sessions now, and I think I have a pretty good handle on what’s wrong with you. Now I want to know what’s right with you.”
          “With these headaches weighing me down, I don’t think you’re gonna get much right out of me. Sometimes I can’t even move, but that doesn’t stop Dakota from needing me. Adam? He’s in his own world.”
          I introduced the concept of MeTime. I encouraged her to make a game out of it, stealing moments from her chores and giving to others, so that she could find ways to be there for herself. The next week she told me that she began taking a short nap when Dakota went down, rather than using that time to fold clean clothes. She noticed that, upon awakening, her headache wasn’t so bad.
          As her therapy continued, I introduced her to the concept of codependency, that is, caring about others at the expense of caring for oneself. You’d have thought I was speaking Klingon to her. With my practice of mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT), I encouraged her to stay present, notice positive things, and use cognitive behavioral strategies to foster a balance between self-care and other-care.
          “Tell you what, Lyra, let me give you a behavioral prescription. Before our next session in a week, make a list, two columns, on one piece of paper. In the left-hand column, list self-care activities. In the right-hand column, put down all your chores and other activities. I know they are out of balance. That’s okay. Just try to make time during your daily other-care activities for moments of self-care. Lyra was eager to get started.
          Learn more about Lyra’s healing journey in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Find your copy on amazonbooks.com. Buy your copy at, https://www.amazon.com/HealingJourney.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings,
Dr, Jon

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