Where Is Your Inner Sanctum?

     Historically, the term “Inner Sanctum” makes reference to the most sacred part of a temple or church, the holiest area, often reserved for clergy or rituals. Figuratively, our individual inner sanctum is our emotional core, where our most private and intimate feelings reside.
          So, where is your inner sanctum? Where do you keep your most private, core feelings? In your heart? In your mind? With whom do you share that space? Who knows what and how you really feel? Few people ever gain access to your inner sanctum of thought and feelings. There is exclusivity, privacy, and sometimes reverence to it.
          Joe was the go-getter in the marriage. He had a ton of casual friends with whom he played ball and drank. Maggie, on the other hand, was the wall flower. At parties, she waited for others to come to her. How they have been able to be together all these years was a puzzle to many of their friends.
         Their secret was a shared inner sanctum. Each was attuned to the nuances of the other’s behaviors. Each knew when something was up. In those times, they stopped whatever was going on and they shared their feelings with each other. Not only the sad, glad, mad variety, but all the varied feelings that they could find to express themselves intimately.
        Maggie sighed deeply as they got back home from a neighborhood party. She enjoyed time with her girlfriends and he drank and laughed it up with his guy friends. The caught glimpses of each other across the patio where their neighbor’s grill was fired up. Joe caught drift of her deep sigh.
          “Okay, Babe, what’s up? Joe curled his arm around her waist after putting their coats up.
             “Nothing, really. I’m…okay.” She put on a happy face and smiled.
             “Nice try,” Joe urged, “Come on. Out with it.”
         “It’s just that,” Maggie hesitated, fearing she was being oversensitive and not wanting to make a big deal out of it. “Well, I miss you when we’re out together, but not together.”
           “What? I’m confused,” Joe pulled away slightly, trying to make sense out of Maggie’s perspective.
          “Yeah. We’re in the same room, us and other people, but you are you and I am me,” Maggie drew her lunk of a husband to her. “I miss the us. I miss you.”
        Joe’s heart sank. He then lifted his wife and twirled her around. “Thank you for sharing. Don’t keep that load on your mind.”
           Maggie smiled and nuzzled into his chest.
          “Let’s be us right now. Here,” he patted the couch. “Let’s sit and talk.”
          She let him guide her to the sofa, concluding, “And this is why we love each other.”
          Joe and Maggie share each other’s inner sanctum. She could have fussed at him for not paying attention to her at the party. He could have gotten defensive, accusing her of jamming her up. If any of that was there, they put it aside and spoke their core, intimate feelings. He knew it was Maggie’s moment and he was there for her. The next time it will be his moment.
         Sharing your inner sanctum with another takes that relationship to a deeper, more meaningful level. Active listening in these moments is the means of getting past the words to focus on the feelings behind them.
          In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I help you find and embrace your inner sanctum. For more, find my website at https://www.authorjonrobinson,com/ and buy your copy at amazonbooks.com and click on https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings,
Jon

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