will i be in therapy forever?

       Some folks put off beginning psychotherapy for fear that the process will last forever. Some see therapy as self-indulging navel-gazing. Some ask themselves, “Why bother? I’ve got my mom, my wife, and my BFF to talk to. What’s the difference?
          Other folks use therapy as an indulgence or an avoidance of their real lives. Famous actor, writer, and director, Woody Allen told a biographer once that he had been in twice weekly, Freudian psychoanalysis for over 50 years. Of course, late in his life he married his stepdaughter, so…there’s that.
          There are four stages of therapy, each varying in length. At first, your patient is in a stage of UNCONSCIOUS IGNORANCE. That is, people who love him and interact with him consistently see problematic behavior, feelings, and moods, but he doesn’t see it. He doesn’t know that there’s a problem, and he doesn’t know that he doesn’t know. In these cases, ignorance is not bliss.
        Friends and family may want to help him out, but nothing seems to stick. While sometimes people get an aha moment and seek therapy on their own, mostly others bring issues to their loved one’s attention. With such helpful confrontation, your patient-to-be enters a stage of CONSCIOUS IGNORANCE. Here, he knows and accepts that there is a problem, but doesn’t know what to do about it. With this mindset, people seek counseling and come into psychotherapy.
          The bulk of the therapy experience involves your patient’s healing journey through the stage of CONSCIOUS AWARENESS. That is, he’s addressing issues and working them out. With your empathy, active listening, and compassion for your patient’s experiences, he becomes able to take “what was” in his life and put it away in a box in his mind.
          While in the stage of conscious awareness, therapy becomes a safe place where he can work on things, try out new relational strategies, step outside his comfort zone to continue his healing journey.
       With mentalligent psychotherapy, patients learn to focus more on “what is” to be present in their lives, and to live in their now. They also become able to focus on the positives in their lives and develop and use skills to change their extreme thinking on their issues. This is where you can introduce your patient to tools and techniques to help them stay present and positively reframe their issues.
       What I have found helpful is the use of behavioral prescriptions and therapeutic homework. For children, that might be helping them use a Good Kid Chart. Sometimes a Therapeutic Journal helps people gain control over their thoughts and feelings. Committing to behavioral contracts for weight management or social anxiety strategies can help patients focus and actually see the progress they are making. Because activity is an antidote for depression, To Do lists are beneficial.
          Over time, and with clear symptom relief, patients gradually move from the stage of Conscious Awareness to the stage of UNCONSCIOUS AWARENESS. This is where our brains develop brand new neuropathways that embrace our healthy normal. We go from thinking about being and doing better to simply being and doing better naturally. Your patient meets his treatment goals, has occasional relapses but handles every circumstance better and more quickly, getting back to his new normal. The old neuropathways eventually wither and die from disuse and the new pathways continually strengthen. Our brain’s capacity for neurogenesis creates lasting healing.
          Will you be in therapy forever? No. Your healing process will last a lifetime, but your length of treatment will be defined by how much you invest in the process, how well you define your treatment goals, and how consistently you soar with your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You were once stuck in the mire of downward spiraling. Now you soar out of your stuckness with upward spiraling to new adventures and thriving.
        For more on these stages of healing and the impact of mentalligent psychotherapy, check out my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, now available at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
 Blessings,
Jon

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