your stuff---burden or Bridge?

​       I’ve got my stuff. What about your stuff? We all have stuff. You  know, things, words, actions in our past that somehow define us, and not in a good way. The question is not what your stuff is. Rather, the question is what do you do with your stuff? Is it a burden you have carried your entire life? Or have you developed a bridge, where your stuff has become a blessing in disguise and led to a new and improved you?
          Twenty-five-year-old April came into my office for her 4th therapy appointment. I had spent time getting to know her and her circumstances for three sessions. I had used active listening through her pain, clarifying her trauma, and reframing to help her find hope. She had completed the Multimodal Life History Questionnaire (MLHQ) diligently and found surprising personal resources in her Values in Action Inventory of Strengths (VIAIS). I hoped now to lay out her treatment plan for her healing journey under my clinical care.
          “So, April, how are you today?”
          “Fair to middlin, I guess. Same ol same ol.”
          “Things could be better, huh?”
          “You got that right.”
          “Well, April, you’ve come to the right place”
          “Wait, whaaat?”
          “Hang on,” I calmed her. “Work with me here.” She nodded agreement.
          “So, take a moment to center yourself and be present. Breathe deeply. Develop an internal rhythm. That’s it.” I gave her time to be still.
          “Now, take whatever time you need to find the 9-year-old little girl you were when you heard your folks fighting.” April crinkled her nose, clenched her fists.
          “ Now step away from that picture in your mind. You are not being that little girl. You’re watching her.” April steadied her breathing and calmed down. “What do you notice?”
          “She’s laying on her bed, hearing her folks fighting right outside her closed door. She covers her head with her pillow, trying to will the fuss away.”
          “Then what?”
          “Then her daddy comes into her bedroom. I’m pretending to be asleep, but he wakes me, tells me he has to go on a business trip, so he’ll be gone for a while. He hugs me, kisses my forehead, and leaves.”
          “Okay, April,” she opens her eyes and breathes deeply, tuning into me again. “We’ve talked about how this seemed to be a turning point in your life. You were more depressed, more anxious after your dad separated from your mom for those 6 months. We’ll call that time a burden. Given your positive resources now and the reframing we’ve talked about, how can you turn that burden into a bridge, helping you get unstuck and begin to soar?
          April began to talk about making more friends to combat the loneliness, focusing more on sports and school, things she could control, to counter the anxiety over things she couldn’t control. As a behavioral prescription, I asked her to write out a description of who she is becoming, as she begins to soar.
          Follow more of April’s healing journey in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, now available on amazonbooks.com. Buy your copy through this link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

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