​       I can’t think of a more profound and epic question posed to me by my then 7-year-old daughter many years ago. Yes, there’s a story behind it.
          We were doing Saturday chores around the house. I had asked Rachel to pick up her stuffed animals in her bedroom, put some on her bed and the rest in her toy box. I got busy with other things and came back to her room some time later. She was sitting on her bed having tea with her dolls as I watched from her bedroom door.
          “Rachel!!” I started at her. “What are you doing?”
          “I’m having tea with my friends, Daddy.” She lifted a sip of tea to the mouth of her Teddy, totally in her own world. “Wanna join us?”
          “No. I don’t want to join you. I want you to stop this nonsense and do what I told you to do!” I grumped as I walked to her bed.
          “Daddy, you need some tea.” She pretend poured me a cup and lifted it to me. She then added, “Who peed in your cornflakes?”
          At first I was so taken aback and flustered that I had nothing to say back. Then I took a deep breath, realized what was going on, chuckled, and then bent over to hug my baby girl. “Wow, Rach, you sure are some pistol.”
          Well, what was going on? Rachel is a bright young lady who can process things beyond her age. I was a busy parent focused on cleaning the house and expecting Rachel to be with the program. When I was abruptly put in my place by my 7-year-old, I suddenly realized that she was right. Cleaning the house needed to be done, but Rachel was just being a little girl. My choice was to be the monster parent and taskmaster or engage in a teachable moment with my daughter. I chose the latter.
          After sitting with her over tea, chatting with her stuffed animals, and asking about her friends, school, and play, I actively listened to reflect her feeling back to her. We settled down to having fun together.
          “You know, Darling, there’s a time for everything. I’m glad we took time to play together having teatime. Will you join me in having pick-up time now?” She puzzled at my question and then nodded. “How about we set your bedroom straight together?
          Teachable moments occur spontaneously after feelings are addressed and there is relative calm. That’s when others are open to hearing what we have to say. In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Moment, I share with readers dialogue with patients who are stuck. Teachable moments occur when we learn to soar. Buy your copy on amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://a.co/d/0dxH5xOL
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

​         Okay, so this word doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue. But what is it? Why is it important? Breaking it down, “neuro” is a prefix that identifies brain activity. “Genesis” is of Latin origin and means beginnings. Put them together and the word “neurogenesis” identifies our brain’s ability to create new pathways based on our mindset and changing circumstances.
          Back in the day, brain scientists believed that our brains matured from birth to age 25. At that point, it was asserted that brain development plateaued. We were left with all the neuropathways developed up to that point. Historically, this is like the flat earth theory people believed until global exploration.
          In the past 30 years, however, research has found that our brains continue to grow and develop new neural pathways throughout our lifetimes. How cool is that?
          “Okay, Andrew,” I started with my next patient. “You look a mess. What’s going on? How are you feeling?”
          “You got me, Doc” Andy sighed and sunk his chin into his chest. “I’m really stuck. I dunno. Everything’s a mess. I keep doin’ and sayin’ dumb stuff that just gets me deeper in trouble.”
          “Can’t get much lower than that,” I concluded. “Can you give me a current example of the mess?”
          “Yeah, well, my boss at work gave me a project to do. I kept putting it off until the due date and then threw something together. Of course, the project sucked and he chewed me out.” Andrew took a deep breath and then paused.
          “And then?” I encouraged.
          “Well, I got home in a bad mood after that and just let Crystal have it, even though she hadn’t done anything to provoke me.” He got up and paced the office. “She fussed at me, cried, and then went to our bedroom and locked herself in. I got a 6-pack, slumped in my recliner, and got drunk. I slept on the couch that night.”
          “Wow!” I offered in conclusion, “Yep. That’s a mess. Let me help you break it all down and then forge a new path so that something similar never happens again.”
          We spent the rest of his session, and several more including some couple therapy, understanding his presenting problem and then re-tooling his response pattern. Andrew was stuck on events in his life, feeling incapable of “making it right.” I encouraged him to start with his feelings and focusing on parts of his “stuff” over which he has control.
He embraced how extreme words and actions exacerbated his response pattern. I cued him to avoid absolutes, like always, ever, never, only, should, could, would, and must. I helped him develop to-do lists to avoid falling behind. He started using catch phrases like “How was your day, dear?” to include others in his debriefing and emotional space.
With these and other tools he started using daily, Andrew found himself approaching life in a proactive, engaging, more positive way. Clearly, his brain had discarded broken and unhelpful neuropathways. Neurogenesis was now fully engaged with his embrace of the mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) strategies of mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral interventions.
To read more of Andrew’s healing journey, buy your copy of my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life on amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://a.co/d/0dxH5xOL.   Blessings,  Dr. Jon

​     In our practice of Mentalligent Psychotherapy (MPT) helping professionals artfully weave together three treatment strategies. First, mindfulness sets the stage for your client’s healing journey. Sweeping out the emotional debris left in the mind from being stuck lets them focus on being present. Let go of “why is this happening?” Embrace “what can I do to help myself heal?”
          Second, trade out “What’s wrong with me?” That question has weighed you down for a long time already. Embrace “What’s right with me?” Start your healing journey on this positive note. This is where your MPT therapist uses positive psychology strategies to help you own your positive.
          Third, your MPT therapist will challenge you with behavioral prescriptions using cognitive behavioral techniques to nail down mindsets that will begin the neurogenetic process of re-wiring your brain. Finding gratitude in your daily walk is a positive psychology strategy that presents as a cognitive behavioral technique.
          “So, Aaron,” I began as my next patient took his seat on the sofa in my office. “What have you got for me?”
          Aaron handed me a neatly folded, typed piece of paper. “I call it my What I’m Grateful For list.” Took me a while during the week since our last appointment. I found myself in a stuck spot and just asked how bad can this be? What can I pull from this rubble that I can appreciate now? Then this stuff came to me over time.”
          I took a moment to scan the list, exhaled a deep breath, and then lit up. “Wow! I’m impressed. Great job, Aaron.” Aaron grinned as he bowed his head and looked at his hands folded in his lap.
          “Look at this.” I directed his attention to the list I held out. “You came up with 23 separate items for your list. That’s huge.” I was treating Aaron for mild depression and social anxiety. He was a loner but didn’t know how to climb out of his hold.
          Aaron leaned forward and took the list from me. “See, I covered the obvious stuff, like being grateful for life, food, a job, he gushed, but added with pride, “But I also found myself being grateful for seemingly little things.”
          “Like what?” I encouraged him to go on. “Well, my server at lunch smiled at me when she gave me the tab. I wouldn’t have noticed that gesture before or just dismissed it as her doing her job. But she brightened my day in that moment and I appreciated it.”
          “It’s the little things like that that help us get through our days without going crazy. I’m glad you noticed. Sounds like an attitude of gratitude, both big and little things to help make a better day.” Aaron nodded. I then asked, “Is that your regular lunch spot?”
          “Naw, not usually, but I’m gonna go back tomorrow.”
          “Aah,” I joked, “Gonna check her out, huh?”
          “Like you told me before, one step at a time,” Aaron blushed as he concluded.
          Aaron’s attitude of gratitude helped him unburden his depressive self-talk and develop courage to challenge his shyness, reaching out to make new friends. To find out more about Aaron’s healing journey, buy my book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life at amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://a.co/d/0dxH5xOL
Blessings, Dr. Jon

            Okay. Is failure defined by when you mess up? Nope. How about when you’ve tried but what you do doesn’t work? Nope. I know. It’s when you want to make a new friend, but your efforts are rebuffed. None of these moments define failure.
          One of the best known not failures was the inventor Thomas Edison, the light bulb guy. He created the light bulb when nighttime was only lit by torches or gas lanterns. His invention was life changing for all of us. All he had to do to make it work was find the right metal that would sustain illumination. But he failed. He failed for 998 times, trying every metal known to man. None worked until his 999th trial. That’s when titanium worked. If he had stopped trying after 998 trials, we wouldn’t have electricity today.
          So, what is failure? The only viable definition of failure is the arbitrary limitation of options. Your failure only happens when you give up the task. Edison didn’t give up and neither should you.
          Another famous idiom is this: “Fall down seven times. Get up eight.” It doesn’t matter how many times you fall down, as long as you always get back up.
          “That’s it! I’m done.” Avery started her therapy session with me even as we walked toward my office. “Sign me up for the nunnery. All men are scum.”
          “Okay then,” I demurred. “Having a bad day are you?” Avery continued her rant as she settled in my office. A sophomore at our local college, she had started her healing journey with me, and I was helping her find her way. Small in stature, Avery frequently felt invisible in friendship groups. She and Alan had only become a thing the past few weeks.
          “We were walking on the quad, hand in hand, having a fun time. Some of his fraternity brothers made fun of me, right there in front of God and everybody.”
          “How so?” I puzzled.
          “Well, you know, Alan and Avery? The double A’s is kind of our tag.” She lowered her head and wrung her hands in her lap. “But these jerks gave our tag a new home. They referred our tag to my bra size” She sniffed. “Now all of them are picking up on it. Laughing at me. And, ya know? I’m actually bigger than that.”
          “Avery,” I leaned forward in my chair. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
          “What’s worse is that Alan laughed at me also. I just want to end it with him and become a nun.”
          “Well, that’s one option. Got any other ones?”
          We spent the rest of the session exploring options. She laughed at some of my off-the-wall suggestions. I praised her for getting it all out. I suggested that the experience was only a failure if she gave up on herself. Alan “got weird” shortly thereafter and she broke off the relationship, a self-confident first for her. On to a better one. No failure here.
          Find out how Avery completed her healing journey. Buy your copy of my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, at amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://a.co/d/0dxH5xOL
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

​Are you in a rut? Does your being stuck feel like the same ol’ same ol’?  Maybe it’s time to do something about it. Are you ready for a change?
          “I dunno, Doc,” Branden started even before getting settled in my office. “Just one bad day after another. I just can’t seem to do anything right. My boss is yelling at me. My wife has me sleeping on the couch. Even our dog walks away when I call him to me.”
          “Wow!” I took a deep breath and then blew it out. “I’m exhausted just earing you. I’m so sorry it’s been rough. Ya know? Maybe you’re just going insane.”
                   Branden’s jaw dropped. He then sighed, smirked at my subtle joke, and then added, “I’ve been thinking the same thing, Doc. That’s where you come in.”
          “Okay, then,” I offered, “Let’s go to work.” Branden settled into the couch.
          “So, as your therapist, I’ve got two examples of insanity. Wanna hear them?”
          “Go for it, but I don’t know how this is going to help me feel better.”
          “Don’t worry. What you are telling me only fits one of the examples.” I leaned forward capturing his attention.
          “The first example of insanity is neurochemical. Your brain chemistry is out of whack. You are hearing things and seeing things that others don’t hear and see. You take everything personally and expect that people are out to get you.” Does any of that apply to you now?”
          “Well, my boss told me that if I don’t get my act together he’s gonna fire me.”
          I shifted in my seat. “Well, Branden, that sounds like his way of encouraging you to do better at work. That’s not delusional. So, no. the neurochemical example of insanity does not apply to you.”
          “Okay,” I took another breath. Branden mirrored my behavior. “The second example of insanity is functional and behavioral.”
          “What does that mean?”
          “In this case, insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. That’s your rut. That’s your stuck-ness. If you tackle the same problem the same way every time, you are gonna get the same…..?”
          “…results,” Branden sighed deeply before finishing my sentence.
          Using the therapy tools of mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT), I helped Branden find his center and stay present in the moment. Having cleared his mind of his same ol’ same ol’, I helped him focus on what’s right in his life that he can build on. I then gave him a cognitive behavioral prescription, starting slowly and finding things overwhich he has control to establish a to-do list of five tasks for each tomorrow until I saw him at his next therapy appointment. I asked him to take routine tasks but do them differently, do them better. In this way, he was able to challenge his version of insanity.      
          Follow more of Branden’s healing journey in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Buy your copy at amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings, Dr. Jon

​Look up in the sky on a clear day. If there is an eagle, falcon, or other large bird, you might just see them soaring. Wings out wide, catching warm air updrafts, called thermals. Aren’t they majestic?
          Ya know, you can soar like that also. Well, not just like these majestic birds, but in your own way. When people consider coming into therapy, they are stuck in some way. What they are doing isn’t working well, or even at all. In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, your therapist becomes your guide on your healing journey. They teach you just how to soar.
          “Jamey,” I greeted my next patient in the waiting room. “How are you doin’ today?” She preceded me down the hall to my office.
          “Hey, Doc. Today’s been a really good day.”
          Her appointment with me was just after her workday. I lit up with her good day observation.
          “That’s terrific!” I gushed. “You’ve been seeing me for a couple of months now. Look at you, using what you’ve learned. I’m proud of you.”
          “Ya know, I’ve figured out that focusing on what’s wrong is just going to prolong the stuckness. My good days are filled with what’s right.”
          “Wait a minute,” I puzzled. “Are you telling me that you are,” I paused for effect. “…soaring?”
          “Yep. That’s me. Not letting stuff get me down. Leaving the bad stuff behind. It feels,” Jamey corrected herself. “I mean, I feel fantastic.”
          “Okay, Jamey,” I collected my thoughts. “Tell me your words, behaviors, and actions that help you soar. Let’s pull it all together.”
          “Well, let’s see.” Jamey paused. I could see her wheels turning. “I think staying in the present is the foundation for soaring. You know, that mindfulness you go on about.” She giggled at my expense.
          “Point taken. What else?” In encouraged her to go on.
          “Well, being mindful on a daily basis helps my not sweat the small stuff, particularly realizing that, in the mindful moment, everything is small stuff.” I nodded agreement. “Oh, and that positive psychology stuff. When I was stuck, I was holding on to things I had no control over. Low self-esteem, low self-confidence, letting people take advantage of me, putting myself last. You know being stuck in all that goo really sucked.”
          “And now you are soaring?” I prompted.
          “Yep,” she bubbled, “and those little tricks you gave me are keeping me soaring” You know, what you call behavioral prescriptions.” She air-quoted me.
          “Oh. I have so many in my toolbox. Which one’s helped you the most?”
          “Let’s see,” she paused to gather her thoughts. “Well, the listing self-affirmations keeps me on track. Of course, the nightly journalling helps me wash away the debris of the day. Oh, and checking my posted gratitude list gives me a good perspective on each day.”
          Follow Jamey’s healing journey in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Buy your copy on amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://a.co/d/0dxH5xOL.
Blessings, Dr. Jon

​       I’ve got my stuff. What about your stuff? We all have stuff. You  know, things, words, actions in our past that somehow define us, and not in a good way. The question is not what your stuff is. Rather, the question is what do you do with your stuff? Is it a burden you have carried your entire life? Or have you developed a bridge, where your stuff has become a blessing in disguise and led to a new and improved you?
          Twenty-five-year-old April came into my office for her 4th therapy appointment. I had spent time getting to know her and her circumstances for three sessions. I had used active listening through her pain, clarifying her trauma, and reframing to help her find hope. She had completed the Multimodal Life History Questionnaire (MLHQ) diligently and found surprising personal resources in her Values in Action Inventory of Strengths (VIAIS). I hoped now to lay out her treatment plan for her healing journey under my clinical care.
          “So, April, how are you today?”
          “Fair to middlin, I guess. Same ol same ol.”
          “Things could be better, huh?”
          “You got that right.”
          “Well, April, you’ve come to the right place”
          “Wait, whaaat?”
          “Hang on,” I calmed her. “Work with me here.” She nodded agreement.
          “So, take a moment to center yourself and be present. Breathe deeply. Develop an internal rhythm. That’s it.” I gave her time to be still.
          “Now, take whatever time you need to find the 9-year-old little girl you were when you heard your folks fighting.” April crinkled her nose, clenched her fists.
          “ Now step away from that picture in your mind. You are not being that little girl. You’re watching her.” April steadied her breathing and calmed down. “What do you notice?”
          “She’s laying on her bed, hearing her folks fighting right outside her closed door. She covers her head with her pillow, trying to will the fuss away.”
          “Then what?”
          “Then her daddy comes into her bedroom. I’m pretending to be asleep, but he wakes me, tells me he has to go on a business trip, so he’ll be gone for a while. He hugs me, kisses my forehead, and leaves.”
          “Okay, April,” she opens her eyes and breathes deeply, tuning into me again. “We’ve talked about how this seemed to be a turning point in your life. You were more depressed, more anxious after your dad separated from your mom for those 6 months. We’ll call that time a burden. Given your positive resources now and the reframing we’ve talked about, how can you turn that burden into a bridge, helping you get unstuck and begin to soar?
          April began to talk about making more friends to combat the loneliness, focusing more on sports and school, things she could control, to counter the anxiety over things she couldn’t control. As a behavioral prescription, I asked her to write out a description of who she is becoming, as she begins to soar.
          Follow more of April’s healing journey in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, now available on amazonbooks.com. Buy your copy through this link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

​Clueless: You Don’t Know that You Don’t Know
Most of us, in life, just keep on keeping on. We do and act how we want without concern for how our words and actions may impact others. That’s the definition of clueless. Just living life without a care in the world.
          Being clueless, you don’t know the impact of your words and actions on others until others tell you. Literally, you don’t know that you  don’t know. This is stage one of your healing journey, that of Unconscious Ignorance.
In my work as a licensed clinical psychologist, people make their first appointment with me after they become aware of a problem. Few come in of their own accord. A confidante, a spouse, a boss, someone who wants the best for you gives you a nudge and you follow through.
          After your first appointment, your healing journey enters stage two, that of Conscious Ignorance. Here, you know there’s a problem, but you don’t know how to fix it. As your therapist, I hear what you say, focusing on the feelings, called active listening. We gather relevant data to help in the healing process, and then I offer a roadmap on your healing journey.
          With mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT), I help you embrace mindfulness, where being present in the moment helps you clear your perspective from past emotional debris. With “what’s wrong” confirmed as an historical perspective, I help you use positive psychology to focus on “what’s right” in your life and interpersonal relationships. We then establish cognitive behavioral strategies, including behavioral prescriptions, cognitive reframing, and journalling to extend the healing process beyond the therapy appointment, helping you live positive change in real time.
          As you make use of these resources, you are developing new neuropathways in your brain, where your former conscious ignorance becomes stage three, Conscious Awareness. You are making substantial changes in yourself, your relationships, and your life experiences. They feel different at first, maybe even forced, like it’s not really you. As you persist, of course with positive input from friends and family, what’s happening in your brain is that previously unhealthy neural pathways are dying out, as new, healthy neural pathways are formed, called neurogenesis.
          Persistence over time is your new friend. With confidence and conviction, you find yourself moving from stage three to stage four, that of Unconscious Awareness. In this final stage of your healing journey, you are getting so used to the new you that your efforts come naturally. You are overcoming daily adversity, soaring and living on your path to your good life. With encouragement, you discontinue your therapy, perhaps with occasional check-ins as needed and are on your way.
          In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, you will find ample examples of the stages of healing using mentallligent psychotherapy. Buy your copy at amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

         We live in a world where strength is considered an asset. We are able to “leap tall buildings with a single bound,” as Superman used to say. We are “there for you,” as one might say to an intimate partner. We get projects finished on time, or even early, never missing a beat. So, is being strong a blessing? Probably, especially for those around the strong one.
          But the kicker is when you feel like you HAVE TO be strong ALL THE TIME. Blessing? Not so much. It takes superhuman energy, direction, and focus to always be there for others. No down time allowed. The frustration becomes, “When do I get to be there for me?”
          When I was 12 years old, my then 17-year-old brother, Carl, had an accident that resulted in his body paralysis from the neck down. He became a quadriplegic. It was a gymnastics accident. I remember going to the school with my dad and finding him contorted on the floor in the hall where they had been practicing their routines.
          Sometime later, during his adjustment and after Carl returned home from months of hospitalization and rehabilitation, my folks pulled me aside and told me that they were going to have to tend to my brother much more, but they also wanted me to have “a normal adolescence,” implying that I would not be a part of that process.
Rather than feeling relieved, I felt disconnected, set apart. Well, that didn’t go well and probably set in motion my path into clinical psychology. I became my brother’s live-in physical therapist and confidante.
          Years later, after soldiering on meticulously, my mom sat with me and teared up. This was not like her at all. We talked about her care for Carl and the time and effort she put into that to get it all done. She admitted to being exhausted and worn down but not having the time to relax.  Her conclusion? “Why do I always have to be the strong one?”
I held her and let her cry. Talk about role reversal 😊
          Now I know that her sheer exhaustion in the moment wasn’t about being strong. It was about boundaries, about balancing other-care with self-care, about giving yourself the right to self-care and knowing that your replenishment of self actually is the foundation for being strong for others. The curse of being strong “all the time” becomes a blessing with healthy boundaries, taking mini-breaks, scheduling occasional time off, and delegating appropriately.
          In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I share with you this and other examples of setting healthy boundaries, balancing self-and other-care, and being emotionally strong in healthy relationships. Find your copy on amazonbooks.com. Use this link now. https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

​      Positive psychology is one of the three cornerstones of mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT), along with mindfulness and cognitive behavioral strategies. Together, they address the stuckness of your patient, helping them stay in the moment, find the blessing in their adversity, and use cognitive behavioral interventions to build momentum on their healing journey.
          But positive psychology is more than thinking positive and cognitive reframing. The goal of positive psychology is the Greek word, eudaimonia, which translates “self-flourishing.”
          I met Shannon in my waiting room and followed her back to my office.
          “So, Doc,” she began even before sitting down. “How has your day been? Did you do something fun this past weekend? Isn’t it great to just be alive?”
          “Okaay” I hesitated. “Fine, yes, and absolutely. Thank you for asking. I’m glad you are in a super mood. Where is all of this coming from?”
          “Well, I took to heart what you told me about eudaimonia during our last session. Did some digging on Wikipedia. I think it’s all about attitude and what you choose to focus on.”
          “That’s great. What else did you decide?”
          “I think I’m done with being Debbie Downer, at least I want to be. Can you help me keep her out of my life?
          “I think that’s an admirable treatment goal.”
          “It’s just that all being Debbie Downer has gotten me is more anxiety and depression. I think she rides around on the back of Eeyore, you know, the woeful donkey from Winnie the Pooh?”
          “That’s quite a combination. Can I use that?”
          “Sure. I’m gonna be about trading Debbie Downer in for Emma Eudaimonia. Hmmm. It doesn’t roll off your tongue, but you get what I mean.”
          Shannon’s goal was to enhance her self-flourishing. That came to include not letting adversity get to her, finding positive meaning to difficulties, and caring for herself both physically and mentally by getting more sleep, journalling, expanding her social network with more positive role models, and nurturing herself with self-compassion when upset. Above all else, she began thinking positive.
          If Shannon’s story resonates with you, find the rest of it in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity  on the Path to the Good Life  Buy your copy at amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings,
Dr Jon