Is AI for real?
ChatGPT Suicide Lawsuit
“New lawsuits have been filed against ChatGPT and OpenAI after numerous suicides were linked to individuals’ use of GPT-4o, a version of ChatGPT that was rushed to market without proper safety testing, which emotionally manipulated users and, in some cases, acted as a “suicide coach.”
          If that splash doesn’t shake you to your core, then you need to wake up and be more aware of the influence that Artificial Intelligence (AI) is imposing on our world.
          My new friend and colleague, Rachel Winston can be found at:
​
Rachel Winston, PR Consultant | Social Media Victims Law Center
website:  www.socialmediavictims.org
email:  [email protected]
address: 821 Second Avenue, Suite 2100 Seattle, WA 98104

         She apprised me of their advocacy for victims of AI manipulation. Tweens and teens in particular, but also parents and all adults, can be in a dark place and look toward AI for comfort and consolation. When such programs don’t have appropriate guardrails, they can be instruments of encouraging self-harm.
      So, what do do? First and always, be careful. AI is a powerful, future-focusing programming that can expedite workload, relieve stress, and be helpful, but it is not the be-all and end-all. You are in charge of your life. Don’t cede that power to anyone.
       Second, always monitor your child’s on-line presence and use of AI. Teachers are getting better at noticing whether your AI wrote your book report or when it is your original work.
        Finally, be very aware of what your child is feeling. If something’s up but you can’t put your finger on it, ask your child directly. “Kinda quiet there, lil buddy. Everything all right?” can go a long way. Help your child draw out their feelings by active listening, noticing what you think they are feeling and asking.
        Active Listening is a communication tool in the toolbox of counselors and therapists. If you or your child needs expert help, it is available, but parents can be great active listeners for their own children. For examples of active listening and other therapeutic tools, buy your copy of my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life at amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

​          Well, we all get angry. It’s probably the most universal negative feeling we have. But you know what? Anger is ALWAYS a secondary feeling. It hides the primary feeling in a situation that makes us feel more vulnerable. The only primary feeling that has anger in it is righteous indignation. When something happens that affects you and it’s just not right. All other anger is secondary to another, more vulnerable feeling.
          For example, my wife and I just completed a historic road trip. The mileage was 2400 miles, round trip. We laughed later about how it was the second-most dangerous, potentially debilitating event in our marriage. We survived this monster road trip, and, in the second year of our marriage, we spent 8 hours together in a small bathroom hanging wallpaper.
          During these and other events in our lives, my temper has flared (Of course, Maggie’s innocent, LOL). When I go off the rails and then eventually calm down, Maggie will gently ask, “Jon, this isn’t like you. What else is going on?”
          That question opens up a lot of baggage but sets the stage for healing. She wants my primary feelings, the vulnerable stuff hidden behind the anger. With her tender response to my rage, I am totally defused. I tell her, “I’m really scared right now.” Or, “I don’t know what to do.” Or, “I feel incompetent.”
          Most people can ring up the usual feelings, the mad, glad, sad, and bad feelings. When I share with patients, I pull out a cheat sheet of over one hundred feeling words and ask them to expand their feeling vocabulary if they really want their spouse to know what they are feeling.
          Bethany and Jake were in my office for their fourth session of marital therapy. During our last session, we explored anger issues in the marriage, how they could get through them and back on track.
          “So, how did your most recent blow-up turn out? Everybody still in one piece?” I got to the point with a bit of side humor.
          Bethany began. “I gotta tell you, Doc, those magic words got us into stuff I didn’t even know existed.”
          “How so?”
          Jake added, “You know, that “what else is going on here?” question. I was in mid-rant about I don’t even remember what. Bethany took a deep breath in front of me and put her hands on my shoulders. She told me to take a breath with her and calm down. I did so.”
          Bethany picked it up. “I told Jake that his rant wasn’t like him, even though it used to always be like him. I then asked quietly, what else is going on.”
          “I don’t know what came over me, like a dam bursting. I took a deep breath and started sobbing. I had never done anything like that before.”
          Bethany added, “He told me about the kids getting older, having an empty nest in a few years, and feeling lost and unprepared.”
          “Wow!”
          Anger is always a secondary feeling. What’s behind it will amaze you. For more, check out my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life at https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings, Dr. Jon       

​     Our lives are full of stress. Stress of all kinds. Pressures on our time, effort, relationships. Being stressed out is exhausting. Plus, it’s not just distress, the bad stuff. It’s also eustress, the Greek word for the good stuff. Nurturing a sick loved one can be distressful. Throwing a dinner party on a special occasion can be eustressful. The antidote for stress involves making time to be there for yourself.
          Lyra seemed to have it all together. A new mom to here 3-year-old Dakota, Lyra was constantly picking things up, coercing Dakota into helping. Then there were meals, laundry, the checkbook, and her own work as a hair stylist. She also pampered her husband, Adam. You know, he comes home tired and cranking when the numbers aren’t working for him. Adam worked in I.T.
          Everything seemed to be going fine, as she had expected it to. So, why did she have these debilitating migraines?
          “Hey, Lyra,” I started, “What’s the most fun thing you’ve done for yourself since I saw you last week?”
          “Wait, whaaat?” she puzzled, obviously caught off guard.
          “Well,” I continued, We’ve spent three sessions now, and I think I have a pretty good handle on what’s wrong with you. Now I want to know what’s right with you.”
          “With these headaches weighing me down, I don’t think you’re gonna get much right out of me. Sometimes I can’t even move, but that doesn’t stop Dakota from needing me. Adam? He’s in his own world.”
          I introduced the concept of MeTime. I encouraged her to make a game out of it, stealing moments from her chores and giving to others, so that she could find ways to be there for herself. The next week she told me that she began taking a short nap when Dakota went down, rather than using that time to fold clean clothes. She noticed that, upon awakening, her headache wasn’t so bad.
          As her therapy continued, I introduced her to the concept of codependency, that is, caring about others at the expense of caring for oneself. You’d have thought I was speaking Klingon to her. With my practice of mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT), I encouraged her to stay present, notice positive things, and use cognitive behavioral strategies to foster a balance between self-care and other-care.
          “Tell you what, Lyra, let me give you a behavioral prescription. Before our next session in a week, make a list, two columns, on one piece of paper. In the left-hand column, list self-care activities. In the right-hand column, put down all your chores and other activities. I know they are out of balance. That’s okay. Just try to make time during your daily other-care activities for moments of self-care. Lyra was eager to get started.
          Learn more about Lyra’s healing journey in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Find your copy on amazonbooks.com. Buy your copy at, https://www.amazon.com/HealingJourney.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings,
Dr, Jon

​        When my granddaughter, Kaitlyn, was three, she and her mom were visiting. We had someone coming to care for our pet while we were on vacation. This person was holding her small dog while talking with us. I was holding Kaitlyn.
          Without warning or provocation, our friend’s dog lunged at my granddaughter, biting her on the cheek. The puncture wound and a touch of bleeding was evident. Obviously. Kaitlyn was beside herself with terror and upset. We didn’t hire the pet sitter.
          Immediately we took our granddaughter to the ER and she was treated for the dog bite. It took 3 of us to hold her down and still as they were washing out the wound before stitching it up. Through her tears, I remember her saying, self-soothingly and pathetically, “It’ll be over soon.”
          Dog bites seem incidental, but they can be more serious than you thought. My friend and colleague Eric Bullard, attorney at Richmond/Vona LLC (Buffalo, NY, 716/300-5765) acquainted me with a very thorough article, which I am passing on to you.
          Mental Health Impact of Dog Bites in Children goes into great detail on how traumatizing dog bites can be, especially to children. The hidden psychological effects of dog bites include:

1. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
2. Phobias
3. Nighmares, Sleep Disturbances, and Intrusive Thoughts
4. Anxiety, Depression, and Mood Disorders
5. Regression and Developmental Backsliding
6. Social and Academic Impacts, and
7. Family, Trust, and Worldview Changes

Mental health relapses are frequent, even with follow-up clinical care. Triggers include environmental, sensory, emotional and situational. Contact Eric Bullard at [email protected] and check out the practice website at www.richmondvona.com.
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

     You’ve heard the old saying that “there’s plenty of blame to go around?” Well, that may be true, but is it at all productive? I encourage my patients to nix the blame game all together. Blaming, whether on self or others, focuses on individual performance to the exclusion of context and surroundings. Try trading in aware for meta-aware, expand the contributing factors to put the event in perspective.
          When patients become meta-aware thinkers, they’ve taken the zoom function to their perspective on life and used it to zoom out. Performance thinkers zoom in to capture only their performance. Meta-aware thinkers zoom out to look at the bigger picture and also to capture many more contributing factors to their situations.
          Joe’s boss stormed into his office with a handful of papers. “You call this a proposal? What is wrong with you!” He threw the pile of papers on Joe’s desk, huffed, and then turned to leave.
          “Uh, boss,” Joe tentatively offered.
          “”by end of day,” the boss grumbled as he left Joe’s office.
          While obviously less than an optimal exchange between Joe and his boss, Joe breathed several times deeply as he replayed the events in his head. His calming strategy freed his mind to think, “Wow! That’s not like the boss. He’s usually more even-tempered. I wonder what else is going on.”
          Joe was practicing what he had learned in therapy. He was learning to trade in his excessive, self-blaming focus on his performance. He expanded his thinking to the level of meta-awareness and captured the bigger picture. With that context, Joe was able to hunker down and revise his work proposal to his boss’s liking “by end of day.”
More personally, I was ranting at my then 12-year-old daughter back in the day. With a little attitude, Rachel put her hands on her hips, looked me straight in the eye, and responded, “Who peed in your cornflakes?” I was so taken aback that I paused and then started laughing. She was right. I was taking stuff out on her that wasn’t hers in the first place. I apologized to Rachel, and we worked it all out. Out of the mouths of babes. Be open to Meta-Awareness Thinking. It can come from the most unexpected sources.
To find out more about meta-awareness to expand your healing journey, buy your copy of my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life on amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

From Stuckness to Soaring
          Your healing journey goes from stuckness to soaring. Being stuck is about a sense of your life going nowhere. Same ol’ same ol’ What’s happening feels normal to you because you’ve known no other reality. You’re in stage one of the healing journey, that of being in Unconscious Ignorance. It’s not a fun place to be, but you don’t know that because you don’t know that you don’t know.
          Then, something or someone happens that gets your attention. You have a notion that things could be different, could be better, but you don’t know how to get there. This begins stage two of your healing journey, that of feeling Conscious Ignorance. You want things to be different, better, but you don’t know how to get there.
          In my last podcast, I gave you a glimpse of Hayley and Jamie’s healing journey, moving from Conscious Ignorance to stage three, that of Conscious Awareness. They are learning relational tools in couples therapy, but they feel awkward completing their therapeutic homework assignments. They’ve learned what to do and how to be with each other and it’s all better, but just different. Like a child learning how to ride a bike, they get better quickly with practice.
          The final stage, stage four of your healing journey is that of Unconscious Awareness. This is a brain-thing that happens with practice and over time. Over 20 years ago, neuroscientists discovered our brain’s capacity for neuroplasticity. The conventional wisdom about brain functioning had been that we mature and grow our brain capacity from birth until around age 25. From then on, what you see is what you get.
          More current research confirms now that our brains are able to change, morph into better versions of ourselves, throughout our lives. With Unconscious Awareness we have generated new neural pathways that reinforce our changed thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. We have left our stuckness behind and begun soaring each day. We are handling stress and adversity in healthier ways. These new neuropathways are fired up without our really even noticing it. We’ve found a new normal and are enjoying it.
          When our patients are sharing good stories with you, noticing how they used to handle that situation and how much better they are doing now, then that’s an indicator that their time with you may be coming to an end. Their healing journey, however, will continue in their new normal.
          For more on the concept of neural plasticity and making your healing journey through the 4 stages of effective therapy, go to amazonbooks.com and buy my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Click the following link now: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ.
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

     Hayley and Jamie met at school. They were in the same class and bumped into each other exiting the doorway. Chivalrously, Jamie let Hayley go first. Each was a college senior and they dated for six months before they slept together. They entered that fateful portal when Hayley posed the question, my place or yours?
          In my last podcast, I asked the question about when the right time is to start psychotherapy. I introduced the four stages of psychotherapy and dove into the first two stages. Before therapy begins, we are in the stage of Unconscious Ignorance. We don’t know that there is a problem, and we don’t know that we don’t know. Usually, after a precipitating event, we research the kind of therapy we think will meet our needs, find a suitable therapist, and take the plunge.
          As we get our footing in clinical treatment, we move from Unconscious Ignorance to Conscious Ignorance. That is, now we know there is a problem, but we don’t know what to do about it. The hard lifting of therapy is moving from Conscious Ignorance to the third stage of therapy, that of Conscious Awareness.
          Hayley and Jamie came into my clinical care after being together for a year. They had graduated from college, gotten jobs, and moved to their new home in a different state. There were no “deal-breakers,” but just some bumps in the road that were piling up. They were also talking about getting married “somewhere down the road.”
          As they accepted me as their guide on their healing journey, I explained how the tools of mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) would be helpful to them.
          They settled in and Jamie opened up. “This is just typical.” He sounded exasperated, a theme in their marriage. “We had agreed that whoever got home first would start dinner. Nope. Not last night.”
          Hayley chimed in, “You don’t remember my calling you at work today and offering to take us out to dinner?” Turning to me, “You see, Doc? He never listens to me and then blames me for everything.”
          I put my hands up in a stop gesture. “Both of you. Breathe. Get centered. You really want to hear and be heard today.” Each sat back in their chairs and complied.
          As the session continued, I reminded them of how they practiced active listening the last session. Jamie chimed in, “Yeah, you tagged us about preparing to talk rather than actually listening for each other’s feelings.”
          I turned to Hayley, “I appreciate your bringing up your frustration about Jamey forgetting your going-out-to-dinner option, but, if you want him to hear you, be careful to avoid absolutes. What were they again?
          Hayley replayed her words in her mind, sighed, and then answered, “Um, never and everything, Okay, I’ve got it.”
          I smiled and encouraged her to “modulate your extreme, off-putting adjectives.”
          The stage of Conscious Awareness involves learning and practicing in therapy parts of the healing journey that will become automatic over time. Stage four, that of Unconscious Awareness, is the goal.
          Follow Hayley and Jamie’s progress in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Buy your copy at amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ.

​WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME
TO START PSYCHOTHERAPY?
          It’s been a long road. It’s been mostly smooth sailing, but there have been bumps on the way. You handled them fine and got back to basics. So, you’ve heard of this thing called “psychotherapy.” It sounds like some kind of hokum, a take-my-money scam. And yet, your co-worker, Jay, started having sessions with a therapist some time ago. He looks like he’s benefited from it. Maybe…, but why bother?
          Historically, psychotherapy has had a social stigma. The ugly stepchild of medicine. “Ya gotta be whacko to need to see a shrink.”
          Nowadays? Not so much. It’s not like “everybody’s doin’ it.” But going to therapy is more commonplace. Part of that is removal of the stigma. While psychiatric consultations and psychoactive medication still have their place, stand-alone “talk therapy” is gaining a prominence.
You know why? Because it works!! Current research shows that good psychotherapy affects brain functioning, creating new, adaptive neuropathways as much or more than medication. Medication can tamp down symptoms, while psychotherapy lays the foundation for changing your behavior altogether.
          So, when is the right time to start psychotherapy? When you notice your words and actions not working for you, making your circumstances worse. In my new book, The  Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I talk about the four stages of healing. The first stage is that of being in Unconscious Ignorance. That is, we don’t know that there is a problem and we don’t know that we don’t know. We’re just blissfully going and doing as we always have, totally clueless.
          Then, WHAM! We go through what is subsequently called a precipitating event. Something happens to us or by us that is unsettling. How we have usually handled these life events is not working. We’re not getting past the event and on with our lives. By deciding to start psychotherapy, we are entering stage two of the healing process, that of Conscious Awareness. We know there is a problem and we want to solve it. Working on a healing becomes the focal point of your life.
          Now, if you are one of the very few enlightened people in this world who are self-motivated to begin the healing process of psychotherapy, then good for you. Unfortunately, most of us need a push in the right direction. A spouse, a partner, your employer, your neighbor, your best friend brings your words and actions to your attention and you listen to them. Reluctantly, you may be coerced into starting psychotherapy, by the law, by a threatening spouse, by your boss, and you agree to “give it a try.” Your choice of therapist and how they guide you confirms for you that you’ve made a good decision, and you’re on your way.
          A good therapist or counselor will become your guide on your healing journey. Talk therapy has morphed over the years from the silent, wise presence of a Sigmund Freud-type psychoanalysit to today’s version of chief advocate, encouraging guide, mentalligent psychotherapist who listens, teaches, gives feedback, and gives behavioral prescriptions (a.k.a, homework). Today, being in therapy is hard work, but it’s worth it.
          Want to know more about the process and review plentiful examples? Go to amazonbooks.com for your copy of my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Follow this link: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ. Blessings, Dr. Jon

​     In today’s world, so many things can feel overwhelming. Global conflict, national catastrophes, local trauma, all can add to our sense of helplessness. But are we? Are we at the mercy of our surroundings? Of course, we may feel that way, but we don’t have to be bummed out.
          Jeff began his psychotherapy with me about a month ago. At 45-years old, he had been with his company for over 20 years. He started as an assistant payroll clerk and rose to the top as a corporate accountant. His wife of 23 years, Julie, had been by his side through thick and thin. Their two children, now 17 and 19, were ready for college. The empty nest was looming. Jeff played off his growing depression, calling his therapy “just a tune-up for my mind.”
          Now starting his 5th session with me, I used the beginning sessions to acquaint him with the components of mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT). He also completed an extensive symptom questionnaire, the Multimodal Live History Questionnaire, which gave us a foundation for his healing journey.
          “Hey, Doc,” he greeted me while following me from the waiting room to my office. “How’re you doin’?”
          “Now, Jeff,” I joked as he settled in. “Don’t be stealing my lines.”
          Jeff spent the first 30 minutes of his session telling me the sources of his depression. I empathized and encouraged him with affective listening. After his pause, sensing that he was finished with what had gone wrong with his life, I offered a summary of his feelings and context and then suggested, “You know, Jeff, you’ve really got a handle on what’s wrong in your life. Let’s talk about what’s right.”
          “Yeah, but,” Jeff started, but paused, looking confused.
          I then guided him through a mindfulness exercise. “On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most depressed you’ve ever felt, what number would you give yourself right now?”
          “Oh, probably a 2,” he concluded. “I gotta remember to be more mindful.”
          “Now, give me the one thing you remember from today that helped you soar.”
          “That one’s easy. My son hugged me and told me he loved me before going off to school. At 17, you know, that’s pretty rare and special.”
          “So, make time to cherish those moments amidst your hectic days.”
          I concluded the session by reviewing his list of gripes and noticing that his comments were peppered with negative extreme references. Between sessions, I challenged him to catch himself when a negative extreme escaped his mouth and replace it with a modulated reference. I gave him a few examples and he found modulating words for them.
          In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, you can follow Jeff on his healing journey. Mentalligence, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral strategies are the tools of mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) that light the way on your journey. Buy your copy on amazonbooks,com. Follow this link: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ.
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

​Our lives seem so frantic at times that we may feel we are living on the edge. Planning and waiting for the next thing. Looking ahead at the expense of enjoying the moment. Anticipating instead of being. Living on the edge is a precarious place to be.
          As a clinical psychologist in private practice for over 40 years, I appreciate how much words matter. Inflections, nuance, double entendre all effect the impact our words have on our decisions, on our lives.
          “Okay, Doc, I’m glad for my appointment with you today.” Amy started as she sat in my office. “I have a ton of stuff to get off my chest. Whew.”
          As Amy took a breath, I encouraged her. “Okay, girl, fire away.”
          “Well, Brandon is being such a brat,” she ramped up. “He always gets that way when his dad is out of town on business. And Carol, my best friend? She’s hitting me up to volunteer as homeroom mother this year for our children’s third grade class.” Amy looked up to ceiling, her face reddening, “Why me? I never have time for myself!” she concluded.
          “Well, I’m exhausted,” I paused, “Go ahead. Get it all out.”
          “Well, Mandy and Brandon are always fighting like cats and dogs. They just pick on each other nonstop. They’re my children. Why can’t they just get along? Is it my life task to referee their fussing at each other? Am I the only one who tries to keep peace in the house? Am I losing my mind?”
          “More?”
          “No. That’s it for now. What am I doing wrong?”
          “Amy, I’m sorry you’re feeling that way,” I started. “You’re not doing anything wrong. It’s not what you are doing. It’s where you are.”
          She puzzled, looking confused.
          “Your perspective on things is keeping you stuck. Let me guide you on you healing journey and help you soar.”
          Donald Meichenbaum, originator of cognitive behavioral therapy, and Albert Ellis, who gave us rational emotive therapy, each focused their patients on extreme words. These words define living on the edge. In Amy’s session, she used only, never, ever, and always. Other extreme words include would, should, could, must, have to. Albert Ellis coined the cute word “musturbation” to capture difficulties with excessive use of extreme words.
          Challenge your use of extreme words to capture your life circumstances. If Brandon is frequently a brat when his dad is away, Amy will be more likely to manage the situation better than if she feels stuck in always-land. Extreme words are problem-focused, while modulated words are more solution-focused. Amy feels less a victim and more empowered.
          Follow Amy’s healing journey in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Buy your copy on amazonbooks.com. Follow the link, https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Journey.../dp/B0CY9PQXMZ.
Blessings,
Dr. Jon