So, What is failure?

            Okay. Is failure defined by when you mess up? Nope. How about when you’ve tried but what you do doesn’t work? Nope. I know. It’s when you want to make a new friend, but your efforts are rebuffed. None of these moments define failure.
          One of the best known not failures was the inventor Thomas Edison, the light bulb guy. He created the light bulb when nighttime was only lit by torches or gas lanterns. His invention was life changing for all of us. All he had to do to make it work was find the right metal that would sustain illumination. But he failed. He failed for 998 times, trying every metal known to man. None worked until his 999th trial. That’s when titanium worked. If he had stopped trying after 998 trials, we wouldn’t have electricity today.
          So, what is failure? The only viable definition of failure is the arbitrary limitation of options. Your failure only happens when you give up the task. Edison didn’t give up and neither should you.
          Another famous idiom is this: “Fall down seven times. Get up eight.” It doesn’t matter how many times you fall down, as long as you always get back up.
          “That’s it! I’m done.” Avery started her therapy session with me even as we walked toward my office. “Sign me up for the nunnery. All men are scum.”
          “Okay then,” I demurred. “Having a bad day are you?” Avery continued her rant as she settled in my office. A sophomore at our local college, she had started her healing journey with me, and I was helping her find her way. Small in stature, Avery frequently felt invisible in friendship groups. She and Alan had only become a thing the past few weeks.
          “We were walking on the quad, hand in hand, having a fun time. Some of his fraternity brothers made fun of me, right there in front of God and everybody.”
          “How so?” I puzzled.
          “Well, you know, Alan and Avery? The double A’s is kind of our tag.” She lowered her head and wrung her hands in her lap. “But these jerks gave our tag a new home. They referred our tag to my bra size” She sniffed. “Now all of them are picking up on it. Laughing at me. And, ya know? I’m actually bigger than that.”
          “Avery,” I leaned forward in my chair. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
          “What’s worse is that Alan laughed at me also. I just want to end it with him and become a nun.”
          “Well, that’s one option. Got any other ones?”
          We spent the rest of the session exploring options. She laughed at some of my off-the-wall suggestions. I praised her for getting it all out. I suggested that the experience was only a failure if she gave up on herself. Alan “got weird” shortly thereafter and she broke off the relationship, a self-confident first for her. On to a better one. No failure here.
          Find out how Avery completed her healing journey. Buy your copy of my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, at amazonbooks.com. Follow this link: https://a.co/d/0dxH5xOL
Blessings,
Dr. Jon

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