In this age of social media and much too much screen time, did you know that increased screen time:

1. Delays social skill development in children, delays speech development, and creates deficiencies in self-help skills and resilience?
2. Increases social isolation and emotional desensitization?
3. Increases the prevalence of cyberbullying and sexting?
4. Undermines the attachment bonding process for you with your kids?

         Being aware of these researched facts will help you become more techno-savvy and make effort to counter such influences on your children. Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I admit I’m not as techno-savvy as I want to be. If I’m stuck on an app on my computer, I call in my 8 year old granddaughter to help me get going. I asked my 17 year old grand child recently what I could do to get more likes on my facebook page and she came up with a bunch of suggestions. As parents of the smart phone generation, we all can become more techno-savvy and improve the quality of time we have together.
          More statistics:

1. By the age of 7, many children in the US or UK will have spent one full year of 24-hr days watching screen media.
2. The average American child aged 8-18 spends more than 7 hrs/day looking at video games, computers, cell phones or TV, usually multi-tasking.
3. TV viewing time for children under 3 is linked to delayed language acquisition.
4. For older children and teens, excessive screen time is linked to increased psychological difficulties, including hyperactivity, emotional and conduct problems, and difficulties with peers.
5. Over 20% of high schoolers have participated in sexting and 25% have forwarded sexting images.
6. 390,000 injuries occur each year from car accidents where there was texting while driving, 25% of all accidents, and leading to 9 fatalities every day.

      So, what can we do? We can be actively involved in our children’s lives, avoid electronic babysitting, and set healthy boundaries for them:

1. Decide, ahead of being asked, what types of games you will allow your child to play on-line, both at home and with his friends.
2. Set limits on amount of time and location of gaming. Keep it public.
3. Active listen your child’s moods, words, and actions that show distress, both generally and specifically with gaming time and social media.
4. Create electronics-free zones in your home, such as during family meal times and not in bedrooms. I know one family that has a cell phone basket and everyone drops their cell phone in the basket before going to their bedroom.
5. Use only hands-free phones while driving and never text and drive.
6. Limit times and locations where family members can check their emails or go on social media daily.
7. Limit social media time to 1 hr/day and only after homework is done.
8. Have a game night or family outing at least once/week.
9. Spend 1:1 time with each of your children on a weekly basis.

       Becoming more techno-savvy and improving emotional intimacy and family relations by having more time together can lead to moderate technology time becoming a blessing, rather than a curse in your home.

             Gracie had a dilemma. She was really good at baseball, but, at 8 years old, her options to play were limited. She could play softball with the girls, but she wanted to play baseball with the boys. She wanted the challenge, but…
          “What if they tease me because I’m a girl? What if I’m not good enough to make the team? What if I goof up and can’t do it right?” Gracie was so worried about all this stuff that her tummy was in knots.
          “Wow!” her daddy exclaimed, “That’s a lot of ‘what ifs’” he took a breath and thought for a moment. “You know, we won’t be able to answer all of these questions until next year if you pass on the tryouts today. I would hate for you to spend all that time without knowing.”
          Gracie’s dad chose a teachable moment for his daughter. He could have simply said, “Enough! I paid good money to register you for these tryouts and you’re going.” Yeah, that would have worked. I can just imagine the knots getting bigger in Gracie’s tummy.
          Instead, her dad active listened his daughter’s feelings, to help her calm down. When he saw that Gracie’s emotional fever had gone down, he said, “I have some thoughts about how we can handle this situation. Do you want to hear them?” When a parent asks a child for permission to speak, most children are awestruck and gladly agree. In Gracie’s case, she and her dad practiced baseball in the back yard before going to the tryout. Her dad praised her efforts and outcome. He pumped her up for the opportunity to “show her stuff.” Her confidence grew and she took on the challenge.
          Generally, when stressed or worried, it’s helpful to start taking slow, deep breaths to help you stay in the moment. When the “what ifs” invade your thinking, convert each one to an “I wonder” statement, followed by a probable positive outcome. Generally, “what if” creates anxiety and worry, while “I wonder” creates curiosity and resolve.
So, in Gracie’s case, “what if I strike out?” becomes, “I wonder how well I will hit the ball.” The embedded positive outcome is, I will hit the ball well. Finally, imagine the outcome you want to happen, in all of its rich and full detail. Write it down or share it with a confidante to make it more real. This picture becomes your reference point as you pursue your goal.
While “what if” equals worry and problems, “I wonder” creates a pathway to helpful activity and success. Helping your child through a difficult situation with active listening and creative, joint problem-solving is the pathway to teachable moments.