 With the new year upon us, it’s time to shift gears and restart the engine. Endings always precede new beginnings. New beginnings can generate renewed hope. Being able to keep the negative parts of our past behind us gives us room to expand our hopefulness for the new beginnings of a new year.
Kelly’s boyfriend for the past two years broke up with her right before the holiday break from school. They had met in biology class in the 10th grade. They were assigned to be lab partners and Kelly splattered goo all over Roger’s shirt while she dissected that poor. little kitty. Roger had called her his kitten thereafter. He could have been really mad at her, but he was gracious and forgiving. “Now, in our senior year, he chooses to dump me for some sophomore bimbo who puts out more than me,” Kelly explained to me during her first therapy appointment with me. “I’m so sorry, Kelly,” I began. “Bummer. That was a crummy thing for him to do,” I paused, “The breakup came from out of the blue?” “Nah. We had been fighting more and more these past few months,” Kelly tapped her foot nervously. “So, what do you think that means? Could he have actually done you a favor? If he was cheating on you, then good riddance, right?” Kelly paused, sighed, and conclude reluctantly, “I guess so.” “And just in time to start a new year without the baggage of a less than fulfilling relationship. A new year and new beginnings,” I concluded, “Let’s find that hope.” Kelly stayed in my clinical care for three months. I introduced her to mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT). She embraced mindfulness to help her not go back to painful past events and focus on the present. Even with her pain of breakup, I used positive psychology to help her find gratitude for things and people around her. After processing her pain of being dumped, I used cognitive behavioral strategies to change negative events into blessings, behavioral prescriptions to expand her social networking, and therapeutic journalling to sort through all of her feelings and track her healing journey. By Spring Break, Kelly was in a new relationship and feeling like her better self. The healing journey you take with your patients is marked by treatment strategies of mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral interventions. The focus on mentalligence helps your patient use both the software (mental) of her brain and the hardware (intelligence) to shut down old, unhelpful pathways and secure new, healing pathways using the neurogenesis functioning of our brains. Kelly’s story and others come together in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Buy your copy on amazonbooks.com at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ. Blessings, Dr. Jon
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 For some, the upcoming holidays are full of presents, family, fun and joy. For others? Not so much. Changes occur in life. Holidays mark the passing of time. When a loved one is not here anymore, when others have moved away, when downsizing makes gift-giving tough, we can get stuck. Got the holiday blues? I’ve got some suggestions.
“I hate the holidays,” Becky stomped her 5-year-old feet as she protested. “I never get what I want, and what I do get I have to share with stupid old Abby. Her three-year-old sister turned her head when she heard her name. “It’s not fair, she screamed as she fell to the floor, kicking her feet. Dana came running into the family room from the kitchen after hearing the commotion. She gathered her oldest daughter in her arms. “Hey, baby girl, you’re so upset!” She hugged her tightly, “What’s going on?” Becky just continued crying in her arms for a while, as her mom soothed her. Through hiccups and deep breaths, Becky whispered, “I miss Nana. She was here last year, and now she’s not.” Becky nestled in her mama’s arms. “I know, sweetheart. I miss her too.” “I was her favorite, but don’t tell Abby.” Dana laughed softly before assuring her daughter, “I won’t, darling. That’ll just be between you and me.” Becky calmed and smiled at their shared secret. “Hey, punkin, I’m baking cookies. Do you want to lick the bowl?” “Mmm, yummy,” she agreed as she clamored down from her mama’s lap. The holiday blues are triggered by many things. Becky’s mom helped her settle down by first acknowledging her feelings and then distracting her with a fun activity. She used mindfulness to pull her daughter from the sad past and into a fun activity present. She could use elements of positive psychology by asking Becky what fond memories she has of her Nana. She could reframe her upset at her loss by suggesting that missing Nana and the fun time they had together was a way of continuing to love her. That reframe could also result in Becky and her mama writing her Nana a note, where she might list the fun things she enjoyed this past year, since her Nana had died. In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I share a new psychotherapy treatment, Mentalligent Psychotherapy (MPT). I elaborate on the unique ways that mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral interventions can be woven seamlessly together to help you get unstuck and begin soaring to new heights of contentment and resilience. Buy your copy online at amazonbooks.com by going to https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ Happy Holidays, Dr. Jon  Today is my fifth and final podcast in a series where we’ve looked at each of five mental pathways you can adopt to smooth your healing journey from adversity to resilience. Previously, I shared with you these pathways:
5. Your journey from happy talk, which breeds mindlessness, to mindful thinking. Happy talk sounds like fun. Going to a bar after work, socializing, catching up with friends. When you are stress free, you can let go, be you, and enjoy the moment’s pause in your hectic life. When you are trying to get unstuck from a stressful, depressive, anxious, downward spiral of adversity, happy talk is not your friend. My dad, many years ago and a very wise, gentle man, shared with me one of his secrets to healthy relationships. “Jon,” he counseled, “in this world, there is a lot of drivel, meaningless small talk. It implies that you are happy, but are you? If you want meaningful, intimate emotional relationships, always say what you mean and mean what you say.” Wise counsel. When you are stuck and trying to soar, happy talk breeds mindlessness. Instead, move toward mindful thinking. Mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) helps you do that. As an MPT therapist, you weave together for your patient the healing strategies of mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral interventions. On your healing journey, happy talk is pretend, guessing what you think the other wants/needs from you, and as such, can be dishonest of you. Being mindful means staying in the now, being present with yourself and others, sharing your feelings as they come up, enjoying the moment. Add to that by weaving in elements of positive psychology, such as focusing on what’s right, rather than on what’s wrong, being grateful for the things and people in your life that contribute to helping you feel richer. Add to these elements’ helpful cognitive behavioral strategies, such as keeping a daily feelings journal, where you can account for positive shifts in your mood, writing letters of appreciation to special people in your life, keeping and clearing to-do lists to track your healing journey. These and other strategies for soaring on your healing journey are chronicled in my new book: The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. You can find your copy on AmazonBooks.com at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ. Blessings, Dr. Jon  Do You Want to Get or Give?
For my last 3 podcasts, I have shared with you 3 mental pathways on your healing journey. These pathways help you move from stuckness to soaring, from adversity to resilience. They are:
Mark had been in weekly psychotherapy with me for about a month. At 35, he had checked off all the items on his do-list to date. Finished his schooling, check. Married, check. Two children, boy and girl, check. Started his own IP company, check. Moved into his dream home with a pool, in a great neighborhood with the best private schools for his kids, check. “So, tell me, Doc,” he asked after listing his accomplishments. “Why do I wake up every morning dreading another day? I have no right to be so depressed, he concluded. Mark was clearly stuck with all of his “stuff.” “Ya know, Mark, I began, “I don’t think you’re going to find happiness with more stuff. You have what we call a consumer-generated perspective on life.” Mark shot a puzzled look my way. “Now,” I chuckled, “sellers love your consumer-generated perspective. That’s how they make their living. You, on the other hand, that’s how you make misery.” “I can’t imagine giving it all up. I’ve worked so hard, spent so much time and money accumulating my wealth.” He slumped deeper in his chair. “Don’t get me wrong, Mark,” I consoled, laying a hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to give it up. The question is, however, does your stuff own you or do you own your stuff? Do you want to get or give? Mark sighed, leaning forward in his chair, head in his hands. “So, you know what gratitude is, right?” “Sure,” Mark responded. “It’s like being grateful, thankful for my stuff.” “Well,” I added, “It’s more than that. It includes making time to enjoy life. Sharing with others. Being emotionally intimate with loved ones. Recognizing your joyfulness with life and others. Less getting. More giving.” In keeping with my MPT treatment strategies, I gave Mark a behavioral prescription to make a list of 10 for which he is grateful and share it with his wife. Then note in his daily feeling log the impact of his gratitude on his depression scale. Mark’s story continues in my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life. Buy your copy at AmazonBooks.com by clicking here, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ Blessings, Dr. Jon  In recent podcasts, I shared with you the first two mental pathways on your healing journey from stuckness to soaring through your adversities. They were:
3. Your journey away from believing the sky is falling, which breeds fear, and toward embracing critical thinking. In children’s stories, Chicken Little was famous for running around in a panic, declaring loudly that the sky was falling. He churned up himself and those around him for no reason. Ultimately, the sky did not fall and all was well. From this story, we get a clear description of irrational panic and anxiety. The Winnie the Pooh stories for children also reflect the absolute faulty thinking that is an excellent description of reactive depression. The donkey, Eeyore, repeatedly offers Christopher Robin and others his negative anticipations with comments like, “Woe is me…Ain’t it awful…I can’t stand it…I’ll never be all right.” Take note, my friend. The sky is not falling. It ain’t awful. You will get over what you’re going through. The key is to take the path away from believing the sky is falling and embracing critical thinking. Instead of panicking in your circumstances, you will find yourself being calmer, more focused on solutions, and beginning to soar. “I tell you, Doc. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.” Brandon was sweating and beginning to hyperventilate as he started sharing with me. “Okay, Buddy,” I started mirroring deeper breathing. “Take a breath. Slow down. Walk me through it all.” Brandon calmed noticeably and then told me about being fired from his job of 15 years. He was middle management and was told only that the company was downsizing and that his position was no longer needed. “What am I going to do? Our two girls are 10 and 7, and Carol is due in three months with our son. I sure didn’t see this coming.” Using the components of mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT), I challenged Brandon to make two piles, one for those things over which he had control and the other for those things over which he had no control. I then asked him to rank the items in each pile on emotional intensity, from 1 to 10. These two exercises got him thinking more clearly and forging ideas and activities to regain emotional control. His sky was not falling so much as he embraced more critical thinking. Learning to think mindfully, staying in the now, increases your sense of control and clears the fog of critical thinking. Positive psychology helps you focus on what’s working and clears a path forward. Cognitive restructuring helps you turn what you saw as a curse into a blessing. In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, you can read about how Brandon figured this all out. Buy your copy on AmazonBooks at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ. Blessings, Dr. Jon  “Don’t bother me with facts and options. My mind is made up,” Stan concluded, ending our discussion. If you identify with Stan, then you embrace a “one and done” mentality. Such a mindset cuts off any possibility of nurturing a sense of resilience when adversity comes your way.
Last week I introduced the first path on your healing journey, that of moving away from focusing on what’s wrong with your circumstances and toward embracing what’s right. Your symptoms identify what’s wrong in your life. Your process toward upward spiraling identifies what’s right. This week, I will introduce the second path, that of moving away from a one and done mentality and toward expanding resilience in your thinking. Stan is stuck in a one and done mentality. That is, don’t confuse him with the facts. He’s made up his mind. There is no sense of resilience. No considering other options. Considering other options would expose Stan to the possibility of his being wrong, and that just can’t happen. A one and done mentality is the very definition of being stuck. Not being open to other options generates a downward spiral. Stan had reluctantly sought therapy with me at the goading of his wife. When I asked him to describe his presenting problem, he implied social anxiety. “You see, Doc, I’m just a homebody. I work my shift, come home, grab a beer, and sit down to relax.” “That’s your comfort zone, huh.” “Yep. Now, Cindy, she’s my wife. She’s a go-getter. She’s into everything and in everybody’s business. Me? I’ve got my tools, my work, and then my recliner. That’s all I need, Stan concluded. Stan and Cindy had been married for 23 years. Their son and daughter were gone now and, with their being just them, things were different. “So, things have changed for you and Cindy, and it’s been tough getting used to your new reality. I can help with that. I explained the concept of resilience to Stan, giving him a few examples. “It’s not about giving up what you are comfortable with. Rather, it's about expanding your comfort zone gradually. Let new thoughts and feelings come to you, kind of wash over you, and gradually expand your comfort zone, without giving up who you are. I don’t want you to change. Just think about being curious.” With mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT), I helped Stan develop a sense of mindfulness to avoid one and done thinking by staying in the now. I helped him move from what’s wrong to what’s right in his life by incorporating elements of positive psychology in his thinking. I challenged his stuck-ness with cognitive behavioral strategies, like successive approximation to increase his comfort level in social situations. In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I share other examples and conversations that identify one and done thinking as a source of our adversity. Developing resilience frees you from your constrictive thinking and sets you on your healing journey to the good life. Check out my new book at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ on Amazon Books. Blessings, Dr. Jon  You feel like crap. Stuff has happened both to you and around you which just adds to your burdens. It’s been this way for a while and you’re…just…done. You share some of your stuff with a good friend of yours. He doesn’t have answers. He doesn’t judge. He just listens.
And so, your healing journey begins. You get a referral to begin psychotherapy, google your prospective therapist, and decide to get just one appointment with him…just to check him out, see if it’s a good fit for you. Mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) is a term I coined some time ago in consultation with my colleague, Dr. Kristin Lee. In this process, your therapist helps you engage both the software of your brain, the mental, and the hardware, the intelligence, to bring all of your resources to bear on your healing journey. In doing so, over time, you create new neural pathways, called neurogenesis, that form new habits and thought structures to maintain your healing journey. In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity to the Path to the Good Life (AmazonBooks, 2024), I identify 5 paths on your healing journey. These are proposed changes in your core beliefs. In each of four subsequent podcasts, we will explore each of these paths. First, move away from focusing on what’s wrong and embrace what’s right. In traditional counseling and psychotherapy, therapists follow a medical model and take time to confirm your diagnosis. This is a delineation of what’s wrong with you. Insurance companies even require this diagnostic code from your therapist in order to be paid by insurance. As a population, we are trained to think about diagnosis, what’s wrong with me. With MPT, I gently help patients focus on what’s right with them. This is puzzling to new patients at first. Folks are very skilled at rattling off their list of woes. Rather than rehash old stuff, I encourage patients to find and embrace their strengths and successes. Barry came to his third session with me. During the first session, he outlined his presenting problem in great detail. He gave me a thorough account of his syptoms, relationships, precipitating events, and sundry maladies. During his second session, having reviewed with him his returned behavioral questionnaire, I gave him an assignment. “Between now and when we get back together, Barry, I want you to journal at the end of each day. Think about the various things that went right for you today and jot your thoughts and feelings about each item in your journal,” I concluded. When he came for his third session, I began, “So, Barry, ya got something for me?” I noticed he had his journal in hand. “Well, kinda. I mean, I don’t understand why you wanted me to document what went right for me this past week. How does that address my problems?” Barry handed me his notes. “Fair point. Let me explain. From your first two sessions, it became clear to me that you know fully what your problems are and how they manifest in your daily life. It’s clear to me that you have been downward-spiraling and are stuck in the mire of your life to date. You seem to start each day with, “okay, here we go again.” “You got that right.” “So,” I concluded, “let’s try a new perspective. As we continue your healing journey, I want you to move away from focusing on what’s wrong and embrace what’s right with your days.” Typically, what we pay attention to grows. New habits can be cultivated. Focusing on thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, instead of on symptoms and diagnoses, generates lasting positive change on your healing journey. To find more of this excerpt, buy your copy of my new book at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ Blessings, Jon  Messy gets a bad rap, ya know? If you like everything in its place, own it. If you live in a world of mess, own that. It’s not how you are. It’s who you are. Messy is just a descriptor, not a definer.
Messy is both okay and also interesting and informative. When you are messy, you place your unique signature on your world. You enhance your capacity to learn, unlearn, and relearn what’s important to you. Often, messy is the starting point of your healing journey. Someone comes to you and, as introduction, tells you that they want to “clean up my act.” He may be denying his identity and putting on what he thinks others want to see. Here’s an old Chinese proverb. Which do you want to be: Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. So, being messy conveys a sense of physical, spatial, and emotional relaxation. A little-known neuromuscular fact is that it takes nine facial muscles to smile, but 41 facial muscles to frown. So, the body actually has to work harder being tense ad stressed than it does being relaxed. Now, messy does not necessarily convey a lack of order or organization to your life. Rather, being messy challenges you to ask, who’s in charge of my life? Do I make a concerted effort to present a “good front,” to “make a good impression?” If so, then order and organization are in charge of your life. It’s hard to fake mess, but it’s okay to be messy. Simply let things be, adapt, adjust, and move through your life. Order and organization will not be in charge but may be a by-product of your life. “I’m sorry I’m late. It wasn’t traffic. I set my alarm in time to be here. I just lost track,” Amber frequently started her sessions with an excuse for being 5-10 minutes late. “You know what? I’m really glad you are here,” I responded as Amber settled in. “I’m impressed with how much effort you are making in your therapy. I get it. Life can be messy, but it’s what we do with the mess that matters. When you get here, you are all in. That’s what counts. Now, what’s been on your mind?” This excerpt from my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life (AmazonBooks, 2024) is an example of how mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) helps our patients accept who they are and use the tools of mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral strategies to embrace their healing journey to who they want to be. Your copy is available at , https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ. Blessings, Dr. Jon  Stress, we all have it. Some of it is good stuff, called eustress. Most of it is bad stuff, called distress. Resilience, we all want it. When we are resilient, we can embrace the eustress and minimize the distress in our lives. So, how do stress-resilient people succeed in life, where others fail?
In 2009, psychologist John B. Arden wrote The Habits of Stress-Resilient People: A Brain-Based Perspective, through the Institute of Behavioral Health. In this seminal work, he outlined five resiliency factors that lead to one’s success over stress. These five factors generate the acronym:
late. She settled into “her” chair in my office and I in mine beside her. We swiveled to address each other. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I smiled and started. “Deep breaths…that’s it…You seem rushed and frazzled. What’s up?” “Doc, you don’t know the half of it,” Jody sighed deeply. Having just returned from her second maternity leave to her teaching 5th graders, she was highly stressed. “I don’t know whether I’m coming or going,” she blew out her exasperation. “Between new class assignments, grading papers, babies crying, and trying to keep peace everywhere, I’m overwhelmed.” “I can’t imagine the constant tugs on your time and attention from all directions,” I consoled. “But tell me this. What are you doing to give yourself stress relief.” “I can’t imagine. Too much time just putting out fires at home and at school. Whew!” “I have some thoughts about what you can do. Do you want to hear them?” “Go for it.” I then shared with Jody the S.E.E.D.S. acronym. The Social stress relief option could be calling her bestie on the way home from school each day, just to catch up or blow off steam. Another could be planning a date night with her husband. An Exercise stress relief option could be walking or jogging either before going to work or after supper, while hubby takes care of the babies. The Education option could be scheduling a couple getaway combined with a continuing education seminar. The Diet option could be planning healthy meals around the week’s activities. I would also add to Dr. Arden’s acronym another “D” option. That would be Delegating. Do what absolutely can only be done by you and then bring in the troops. It does take a village. Finally, the Sleep option includes always shooting for 8-10 hours of sleep per night, safeguarding the bedroom only for sleep and intimacy, no screen time there, and maintaining a stress-limiting sleep routine. Baby needs during sleep time can be shared with hubby. In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, which you can find at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ, incorporates the S.E.E.D.S. acronym into the healing journey. The mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral strategies of mentaligent psychotherapy (MPT) help focus on generating stress-resilient strategies. Blessings, Jon  Neuroplasticity Gets You from Here to There
So, neuroplasticity, that’s a fancy medical term. It’s also relatively new. Up until 20 years ago, researchers and clinicians thought our brains matured until we turned 25. And then? No more maturity. The brain just stopped growing and changing. Now, more recent research confirms that our brains mature and grow, creating new neural networks throughout our life span. How cool is that? This gives underlying, neurological foundation for the lasting change that can come from psychotherapy. Two maxims of counseling and psychotherapy apply. First, you can stop unhealthy old behavioral habits. Conditioning principles use the maxim, “Use it or lose it.” On your healing journey, this maxim becomes, “Stop using it and lose it.” “So. Hank, you seem so excited,” I paused after ushering my patient into my office. “What’s going on?” “Well, Doc, you know how you’ve been encouraging me for months to find the new me? The me where rage is not my go-to response with Carrie? Hank sat down and leaned forward in his excitement. “Yeah…” I hesitated, anticipating his continuing his story. “Well, the new me arrived last night,” Beaming, Hank took a deep breath to collect himself. “Great!” I exclaimed, “Introduce him to me.” “Okay. After I got home last night, Carrie started off on me, telling me all the things I had failed to do around the house. Some of it were things we had talked about and that I had said I would take care of. More of it was just her ranting about random messes, broken stuff, and such, like we live in a pigsty, which we don’t.” “Wow! That’s a lot,” I took it all in. “How did you respond?” “That’s the thing, ya know? Hank took a breath, smiled, and continued. “In the past I would have countered her every point, shouted back, and stomped off, probably back out to the local bar. That would have been the old me.” “And the new you?” “I did none of that. Instead, I reached out to her softly and gave her a big hug,” Hank chuckled, thinking back. “She stiffened up. She didn’t know how to respond.” “And then?” “Then I apologized for not getting to the things she had listed. She softened after my apology and hugged me back. Then I active listened, like you taught me, listening to her stresses with her work, the kids, and the house. I let her talk and then concluded, no wonder she’s so overwhelmed. She broke down in tears. I held her some more, told her to put her feet up, got her a beverage, and did a load of laundry. Pretty cool, huh?” “Yeah, really cool. I like your new you, and I bet Carrie wants to keep him.” The second maxim of mentalligent psychotherapy is this. What you pay attention to grows. Focus on the bad stuff and it gets bigger. Focus on the good stuff and it grows. Weaving mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral strategies into your mentalligent psychotherapy with patients gives them the tools to shut down old, unhelpful, neuropathways, and to engage your brain’s neuroplasticity to create new, healthy neural pathways along your healing journey. For more, check out my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, at, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ, and on my website at https://authorjonrobinson.com/ Blessings, Dr. Jon |
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