![]() Raising a child with the potential to lead and inspire is a profound responsibility and privilege. As a parent, you hold the power to influence your child’s future by nurturing their leadership abilities. This journey involves more than just teaching skills; it’s about fostering a mindset that embraces growth, empathy, and resilience. These efforts not only prepare them for personal success but also equip them to contribute positively to society. DEMONSTRATE INTEGRITY AND HONESTY Living by values like integrity and honesty is one of the most impactful ways to teach children the importance of ethical leadership. By consistently demonstrating these principles in your actions and decisions, you show them that success and respect are built on trust and accountability. Children observe and absorb how you handle challenges, keep promises, and treat others, learning that doing the right thing is not just a personal choice but a cornerstone of effective leadership. PROMOTE INDEPENDENT THINKING Celebrating your child’s independent thinking and initiative is key to nurturing their leadership skills. By recognizing these traits, you emphasize their importance in daily life, motivating your child to further develop these abilities. This approach not only inspires them but also creates a supportive environment where they feel valued and understood. Encouraging open discussions and embracing diverse perspectives can enhance their critical thinking and proactive behavior. By cultivating these qualities, you lay the foundation for your child to become a resilient and innovative leader. INSPIRE LEADERSHIP THROUGH LIFELONG LEARNING One of the most impactful ways to demonstrate leadership to your children is by pursuing your own educational goals. The flexibility of online education allows you to balance your studies with parenting, setting a powerful example of the importance of continuous learning and personal growth. For instance, by exploring master’s in nursing programs, you can open doors to diverse career paths such as nurse education, informatics, and administration. This not only enhances your career prospects but also instills in your children the value of education and lifelong learning. BUILD EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE Equipping your child with the ability to manage stress and frustration during problem-solving is essential for nurturing leadership skills. Teaching emotional intelligence (EI) plays a pivotal role in this process, as it involves understanding and effectively regulating emotions. Techniques such as mindfulness, including deep breathing and meditation, can enhance emotional regulation. Helping your child focus on their positive attributes and reframing their adversities into opportunities for learning and growth also enhance their stress management. By fostering these skills, your child not only learns to resolve conflicts but also builds resilience, preparing them to face life’s challenges with confidence. ENCOURAGE TEAMWORK Encouraging your child to engage in collaborative projects is a powerful way to develop their leadership and communication skills. By participating in group activities, children learn to assume various roles within a team, reflecting real-world scenarios where cooperation is essential. This method not only highlights the significance of shared leadership but also provides firsthand experience of teamwork dynamics. For example, structured group tasks can be designed to enhance turn-taking and effective communication, which are crucial skills for future leaders. EXPOSE THEM TO DIFFERENT CULTURES Introducing your children to diverse cultures and environments can significantly enhance their adaptability and broaden their perspectives. Engaging in cultural exchange programs or hosting international students offers firsthand experiences that nurture empathy and appreciation for diversity. These interactions challenge preconceived notions and develop essential skills like empathy and critical thinking, which are crucial for leadership. Moreover, participating in multicultural activities helps children develop a global mindset, preparing them to thrive in an interconnected world. INCORPORATE REWARD SYSTEMS Implementing a reward system can be an effective way to nurture leadership skills in children by motivating them to achieve goals and complete tasks. By using a system where children earn points or stickers for positive behaviors, you create a structured environment that encourages them to track their progress and aim for specific objectives. This approach not only helps children appreciate the value of their efforts but also instills a sense of responsibility and leadership as they work toward their goals. Consistency in rewarding is crucial, as it reinforces desired behaviors and provides children with a predictable outcome for their actions. "The Good Kid Chart" (Robinson, 2016) is a great starting point for creating a successful reward system for your children. Incorporating these strategies into your parenting approach can significantly influence your child’s development into a leader who is both confident and compassionate. By fostering an environment that values learning, emotional intelligence, and cultural awareness, you prepare them to face future challenges with poise and understanding. These efforts not only benefit your child but also contribute to a more empathetic and innovative society. Discover a world of engaging and educational resources for your children at ThereForMyKids.com and inspire their learning journey today! Additional resources from Dr. Robinson include his books, Teachable Moments: Building Blocks of Christian Parenting (2016 on amazonbooks.com) and The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life (2024, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ).
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![]() Resilience is the gold standard for effective stress management. Develop resilient habits and you can manage any stressful circumstance. The core of mentalligent psychotherapy is designed to generate resilience, no matter the issue at hand. In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I set the context for starting your healing journey and then introduce a new treatment strategy, mentalligent psychotherapy, which is geared toward generating resilience and overcoming any adversity in your life. Mandy was referred to me by her primary physician, who wanted her to supplement her use of antidepressant medication with a course of outpatient psychotherapy. During her first session with me, she told me that the meds seemed to stabilize her mood, but she didn’t feel better. With my best active listening, encouraging her to tell me how I could help her, Mandy launched into the Cliff Notes version of her life story. “Whew!” I jumped in as Mandy seemed to wind down. “I’m glad you are here. I can help.” Mandy nodded but looked away. “I have some thoughts.” I asked, “Can I share them with you?” I then briefly summed up her story, her frustrations, her stresses, her goals for her therapy. As I concluded, I asked if she thought I could help her get back on track with her life. She gave me a glimmer of a smile and nodded yes. At 22, Mandy was a 4th year student at the local university. She was also a sorority sister locally and on a partial scholarship as a soccer player. With that brief resume, Mandy felt like everybody expected her to always have it together. Oh, and she was a chemistry major as well. I then challenged Mandy to help me understand what’s right in her life. “You have the what’s wrong down pat, so I want to help you counterbalance that. Can you give that a try?” Mandy lowered her head to her chest and mumbled, “I don’t understand.” I prompted her and we jointly came up with 3 tangibles that could be included in her list of what’s right. “That’s a start. Can you try to give me a list of 10 items?” Mandy nodded more enthusiastically. With compassion and empathy, I reviewed her “stuff” and told her that I understand the “why” she is starting therapy. “But, I gotta be honest with you, Mandy. I’m much less of a why doctor than I am a what doctor.” Mandy wrinkled her brow but leaned forward in her chair. I continued, “Let’s start with, ‘why am I always in such a funk?’ but let’s embrace, ‘what can I do to help myself get and stay well? Deal?” She extended her hand, and we shook on it. Over 15 biweekly sessions, I helped Mandy understand the concept of mentalligence. She developed strategies to recover from her downward spirals of stuckness and find upward spirals of soaring. Mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) is a means of doing so. With MPT, I have taken 3 commonly used treatment strategies and woven them together as steps on the healing journey for my patients. First, help your patients understand and embrace mindfulness, as a source of being present in their lives. Stuff can readily get in their way. Being present gives them the opportunity to put stuff aside to work on feeling better. I encourage patients to use the mantra, That was then. This is now. I refuse to let then get in the way of my now. Progressive relaxation and five-sensory awareness are gateways to being in the present and being mindful. Second, MPT uses elements of positive psychology (Seligman & Csikszentmihalyi, 2000, Seligman, 2011) to help patients focus on what’s right and eschew what’s wrong. The Values-In-Action Inventory of Strengths is an evaluative tool from Seligman’s University of Pennsylvania research center that gives substance to your patient’s positive resources. Additionally, through the course of her therapy, Mandy kept a daily healing journal, made a gratitude list, and restructured her schedule to include breaks and time off to recharge. Third, when stress and stuckness come, and it frequently intrudes on our lives, MPT uses cognitive behavioral strategies to help patients redirect their energies. Mandy learned to identify extreme words that generate her stuckness. Such words include always, ever, never, only, would, could, and should. These and other such words limit our response options and keep other things or people in control of our lives. Finally, Mandy learned to focus on the blessing that comes from her specific adversity. With disappointments, frustrations, losses, misunderstandings, what can you learn from them and apply that learning to avoid further difficulties? These are the ABC’s of mastering resilience, keeping stuckness at bay and finding ways to spiral upward in your life, soaring in your present, using your positive character strengths to counterbalance stress and adversity, and finding the hidden blessings in unexpected difficulties. Blessings, Jon ![]() Some folks put off beginning psychotherapy for fear that the process will last forever. Some see therapy as self-indulging navel-gazing. Some ask themselves, “Why bother? I’ve got my mom, my wife, and my BFF to talk to. What’s the difference? Other folks use therapy as an indulgence or an avoidance of their real lives. Famous actor, writer, and director, Woody Allen told a biographer once that he had been in twice weekly, Freudian psychoanalysis for over 50 years. Of course, late in his life he married his stepdaughter, so…there’s that. There are four stages of therapy, each varying in length. At first, your patient is in a stage of UNCONSCIOUS IGNORANCE. That is, people who love him and interact with him consistently see problematic behavior, feelings, and moods, but he doesn’t see it. He doesn’t know that there’s a problem, and he doesn’t know that he doesn’t know. In these cases, ignorance is not bliss. Friends and family may want to help him out, but nothing seems to stick. While sometimes people get an aha moment and seek therapy on their own, mostly others bring issues to their loved one’s attention. With such helpful confrontation, your patient-to-be enters a stage of CONSCIOUS IGNORANCE. Here, he knows and accepts that there is a problem, but doesn’t know what to do about it. With this mindset, people seek counseling and come into psychotherapy. The bulk of the therapy experience involves your patient’s healing journey through the stage of CONSCIOUS AWARENESS. That is, he’s addressing issues and working them out. With your empathy, active listening, and compassion for your patient’s experiences, he becomes able to take “what was” in his life and put it away in a box in his mind. While in the stage of conscious awareness, therapy becomes a safe place where he can work on things, try out new relational strategies, step outside his comfort zone to continue his healing journey. With mentalligent psychotherapy, patients learn to focus more on “what is” to be present in their lives, and to live in their now. They also become able to focus on the positives in their lives and develop and use skills to change their extreme thinking on their issues. This is where you can introduce your patient to tools and techniques to help them stay present and positively reframe their issues. What I have found helpful is the use of behavioral prescriptions and therapeutic homework. For children, that might be helping them use a Good Kid Chart. Sometimes a Therapeutic Journal helps people gain control over their thoughts and feelings. Committing to behavioral contracts for weight management or social anxiety strategies can help patients focus and actually see the progress they are making. Because activity is an antidote for depression, To Do lists are beneficial. Over time, and with clear symptom relief, patients gradually move from the stage of Conscious Awareness to the stage of UNCONSCIOUS AWARENESS. This is where our brains develop brand new neuropathways that embrace our healthy normal. We go from thinking about being and doing better to simply being and doing better naturally. Your patient meets his treatment goals, has occasional relapses but handles every circumstance better and more quickly, getting back to his new normal. The old neuropathways eventually wither and die from disuse and the new pathways continually strengthen. Our brain’s capacity for neurogenesis creates lasting healing. Will you be in therapy forever? No. Your healing process will last a lifetime, but your length of treatment will be defined by how much you invest in the process, how well you define your treatment goals, and how consistently you soar with your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You were once stuck in the mire of downward spiraling. Now you soar out of your stuckness with upward spiraling to new adventures and thriving. For more on these stages of healing and the impact of mentalligent psychotherapy, check out my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, now available at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CY9PQXMZ Blessings, Jon ![]() Meet my guest contributor and home project maven, Lily Tomkin. Find her at [email protected]. Whenever you see someone that you love to be out of sorts, they’re angry, frustrated, puzzled, stressed. These things indicate they are having an emotional fever. Active listening is your go-to response with them to help their emotional fever go down and get back in sorts. The following are projects to take on when things are going well. In these moments, look for teachable moments to help your kids build character, embrace the moment, and find joy. Hammer Out Happiness: Fun Family Projects to Strengthen Bonds Engaging in home improvement projects not only revitalizes your living space but also offers a unique opportunity to strengthen family connections through collaborative efforts and shared goals. Whether you're crafting a serene backyard retreat or redesigning your kitchen, each project can teach valuable skills and foster teamwork. Courtesy of Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson, Explore these exciting and educational DIY projects that promise not only to transform your home but also to enhance the bonds within your family. Crafting a family retreat in your back yard Imagine transforming your backyard into a haven where every family member feels connected. Start by planning a simple carpentry project, such as building a gazebo or a deck. This venture not only teaches carpentry skills but also encourages teamwork as everyone pitches in. The process of measuring, cutting, and assembling can be a wonderful learning experience for children and a satisfying challenge for adults. Transforming Your Home Office into a Stress-Free Zone As remote work becomes more prevalent, having a functional and stress-free home office is crucial. Collaborate with your family to design a workspace that meets everyone's needs. Introduce an efficient storage system for paper records, enhance the area with ample lighting, and invest in ergonomic furniture to support well-being during work hours. This project not only improves productivity but also teaches organizational skills. Knowing When to Ask for Help If you hit a speed bump or just are past your comfort zone, there’s no shame in asking for help – in fact, this sets an excellent example for your family! You don't always need to hire a pro and pay the hefty fee for the first hour of work, either, since there are websites and apps that can give you insights. For instance, this one can help by providing you with experience in electrical troubleshooting that can save you a bundle in the long run. Designing the Perfect Patio for Family Gatherings A patio can serve as the heart of the home, especially when it's equipped with comfortable seating and a warm fire pit. Work together to choose the right materials and design a layout that invites relaxation and conversation. Installing the patio can be a rewarding project, where each family member can contribute, from laying bricks to selecting outdoor furniture, creating a cherished space for family gatherings. Creating a Cozy Reading Nook Foster a family love for reading by designing a cozy corner dedicated to books. Build built-in shelves and create comfortable seating to encourage hours of reading. This project not only adds charm to your home but also serves as a quiet refuge where family members can unwind with their favorite stories. Constructing a Fun-Filled Play Area For families with young children, constructing a play area with swings, slides, and climbing structures can be a delightful project. This activity not only provides a safe play environment in your backyard but also allows you to spend quality time constructing it together. It’s a perfect way to teach kids about safety and creativity while ensuring they have fun. Cooking Up Kitchen Updates The kitchen is often the center of the home. Update your kitchen cabinets, countertops, and backsplash to refresh this essential space. Involve your family in selecting materials and styles, and work together on the installation. This project is not only a great way to upgrade your kitchen but also an opportunity to spend time together learning about design and function. Growing Together with Raised Garden Beds Building and planting raised garden beds for vegetables and flowers can be a nurturing family activity. This project teaches gardening skills and the importance of patience and care in growing food. It’s also a delightful way to introduce young children to nature and the cycle of life. Through these diverse DIY home improvement projects, you can create a more functional and inviting home while also bringing your family closer together. Each project offers a chance to build not just structures, but also relationships, as you work together toward common goals. Whether it's constructing a backyard retreat or transforming a kitchen, the joy comes from both the process and the results, making every effort worthwhile. Dr. Jonathan C. Robinson is an author, Christian Psychologist, and speaker who’d love to hear from you! His website is www.authorjonrobinson.com, and his books are available on www.amazonbooks.com. You can reach contributor Lily Tomkin at [email protected]. Blessings, Dr. Jon ![]() Have you ever grieved a loss? Of course you have. Mostly, you’ve lost your keys, the directions to where you are going, and other such minor things. Aggravating mostly. If we haven’t yet, most of us will lose a loved one in death, or be fired or downsized from a job, or lost that one special person whom you thought was for life but who told you, “I just can’t do this anymore.” These kinds of major losses are more than depressing. They are painful and hard to get over. Grieving, as a big part of getting past these losses, is a normal part of the mental health process. Most of us go first to our closest friends and confidantes to start the grieving. We get solace, comfort, and encouragement that we’ll get through it all. If we don’t, get through it, that is, then some of us will take the positive step of getting professional help. Getting into psychotherapy is an excellent way to navigate the grieving, accept the blessing, and find something positive you can take away from your loss. There’s been a lot of scientific research on grieving and recovering from a profound, personal loss. The Grand Dame of grieving literature is Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. Her research led her to identify the five typical stages of loss. Although each person grieves in their own way, studies show that most people take about 2 years to successfully navigate the five stages of loss. Kubler-Ross identified these stages as: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. There is no lock-step sequence nor timing. We often go back and forth between stages, and each takes more or less time, depending on many factors. Basically, after the abject shock of being presented with the loss, we first respond with total Denial. “No, no, no. This can’t be happening. We’re going to meet up later this week. He’s just away. He’ll be back for our meeting.” When confronted with the loss, our denial begins to crack, as reality sets in. Still unaccepting of the loss, we then get angry. “How could he do this to me? Get away from me. I don’t need your sympathy. Does he think he’s going to leave me…with all of this?” To mitigate our overwhelming anger, and feeling powerless to go forward, we move into a Bargaining stage of grieving. “If he doesn’t die, God, I promise I’ll go to church every week.” “Don’t leave me, mama. I’ll be good. I’ll do all my chores.” “Please, I’m begging you, don’t go.” Recognizing that we ultimately are helpless to change the circumstances, and the loss has happened, we always fall into an expected Depression. We are overwhelmed, beyond sad, gushing tearfulness, recognizing that our loss is real. “Oh, God. This is really happening. How can I continue without her? My life will never be the same again.” Finally, with a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, we ascend to the mountain of Acceptance. It’s still hard to believe, but we will go on. We’ll even make something good and positive out of our loss. “I don’t like it, but I must go on. I want to honor him in some way. Although he is really gone, I will always carry a piece of him with me…for guidance and clarity.” Mentalligent Psychotherapy (MPT), www.authorjonrobinson.com, is an excellent way to help your client through her loss. The components of MPT, which are mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavior strategies, seem tailor-made to lift grieving folks from their loss. After hearing your patient’s story of loss, be empathetic and fully actively listen. Give her whatever time she needs to tell her story and to collect herself. It may take several sessions just to accomplish this settling down. When she seems ready, introduce mentalligent psychotherapy as a healing journey, inviting her let you guide her through the stages of loss and grieving. Mindfulness sets the tone for healing by helping your patient focus on her now. Being present gives her space to be distant from her loss. Some folks benefit from imagining themselves in a movie theater, as their own film director, watching their story unfold on the movie screen. They can tease out every detail, change their script, although not the loss outcome, and navigate their healing. Positive psychology and its attending strategies encourage both her perspective on what happened and her focus on her future. Loss tends to focus on the negative, the “if only’s, and woulda-coulda-shoulda’s.” Helping her focus on her character strengths will help her use them to get through the loss. Seligman’s Values in Action Inventory of Strengths is a resource. Several cognitive behavioral strategies help her land in the last stage of acceptance. Primarily, use cognitive reframing to find what good has come to her from experiencing the loss. Writing a list of gratification gives her a resource to remember all she drew from her lost relationship. Using a daily journal helps her keep track of her healing and continually focus on her now, while making plans for her future. Grieving is a normal mental health issue that we all experience to a greater or lesser extent. Mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) provides a means of healing from grieving and loss. For more information, check out my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life (Amazon Books, 2024). Blessings, Jon ![]() With a national population of around 330 million people, roughly one-third are anxious in some kind of way. Anxiety can be situational. Why can’t I find a parking space near my store? Anxiety can me chronic. What if nobody likes me? What if this job is wrong for me? Mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) is a means of treating both types of anxiety. After giving your patient an ample opportunity to explore his anxiety and share with you how it affects him, using empathy and affective listening, I start my intervention sequence. “Okay, Kyle,” I began prepping him for changing his thinking. “Let me give you some tidbits to chew on that will help rid you of your debilitating anxiety.” “Sure, Doc,” he replied eagerly. “Go for it.” “First, close your eyes, breathe deeply and rhythmically, and focus on my directions.” Kyle took a deep breath as he nodded to me. “Take your left hand from your side and extend it out shoulder height.” He did so. “Take your right hand from your side and extend it out shoulder height.” He did so. “Now, with your arms extended, lower them slowly to rest together down in front of you.” Kyle lowered both arms, and then took another deep, slow breath. He then opened his eyes and smiled. “What you’ve just done, Kyle, is limit your experience of both your anxiety and your depression.” He looked at his hands clasped together in front of him. “Really, how so?” “Our experience of depression typically comes from past events we have internalized. Our experience of anxiety typically comes from the negative anticipation we have for our yet unknown future.” “Okay…” Kyle tentatively understood. “By physically moving the position of your arms from by your side to in front of you, you symbolically chose to live in the now or the moment. In essence, you said to yourself, ‘I will not let my negative history hold me back, nor do my unforeseen future keep me from moving forward.’ Staying in the now can be very freeing. Your feelings have nowhere to root and nowhere to grow. We talked more about how living mindfully can help him overcome his anxiety, until I felt he was beginning to embrace the concept. “Now, Kyle, let’s tackle your anxious feelings. What are you telling yourself when you get anxious?” “Well, let’s see,” he pondered my challenge. “Uh, what if I’m late for work again? What if I don’t get along with Mandy’s, that’s my girlfriend, parents? What if I can’t pay my bills? How’s that for a start? “That’s great,” I reassured. Now, stay with me here, I’m going to turn each of your ‘what if’ questions into ‘I wonder’ curiosities. Ready? Follow me here.” Kyle nodded in agreement. “I wonder how I will plan to be on time for work tomorrow. I wonder how I will win Mandy’s parents over. I wonder how I can budget my money better. Do you see what I did there? “I think so,” Kyle thought it through. “You turned my questions into statements. You changed my ‘what if’s’ into ‘I wonder’s.’ Is that right?” “Yep. Curiosity beats anxiety every time. But also, notice I included something else. The curiosity statement generates action to cure the anxiety.” “I don’t follow.” “Let’s take the first ‘what if.’ What if I’m late for work tomorrow? It becomes, I wonder how I will plan to be on time tomorrow. There’s a positive subliminal message to yourself embedded in there, that is, ‘I will be on time for work tomorrow.’ I then directed Kyle to unpack the subliminal messages in his next to “I wonder” statements. “Great! I think you are getting it, Kyle. You see, as you well know, the feeling of anxiety is constricting, limiting, and binding. The feeling of curiosity, however, is expanding, freeing, and generates boundless possibilities.” As a behavioral prescription, I asked Kyle to write down at least 5 “what if” questions that he encountered between his sessions with me. Then pair each with an “I wonder” statement with a positive presuppositional phrase embedded in it. When treating anxiety with MPT, you can set the stage with mindfulness, channel positive energy into the healing process, and use cognitive behavioral strategies to challenge your patient’s thinking and change his behaviors. When your patient confronts his anxiety, coach him into switching questions from “what if?” to “I wonder.” Blessings, Jon ![]() This is a guest commentary by Lily Tamrick. She can be reached at [email protected] The Parent’s Guide to Cultivating a Thriving Learning Environment. Nurturing a passion for knowledge in our children is essential for their development and success in an ever-evolving world. As parents, our role extends beyond providing basic needs; it involves sparking and maintaining an intrinsic desire to learn. This commitment to fostering an environment rich in educational opportunities and support prepares our children for academic success and a lifetime of curiosity and growth. THEREFORMYKIDS.COM shares more insights. Create a Learning Oasis at Home. Designating a particular area in your home for reading, studying, and creative endeavors is crucial. This space should be comfortable, quiet, and equipped with the tools your child needs to explore their academic and creative interests. Establishing a dedicated learning environment encourages a structured approach to learning and creativity. A designated space helps children associate this area with knowledge and creativity, seamlessly integrating learning into their daily lives. Cultivate Curiosity. Encourage a home environment where every question is valued as an opportunity for exploration and learning. By fostering a setting where curiosity is encouraged, you demonstrate that seeking knowledge is a positive and essential part of daily life. This approach helps your child feel safe and supported in their quest to understand the world around them. It's important to answer their questions enthusiastically and, when possible, explore the answers together. Lead by Example Show your dedication to lifelong learning by actively pursuing your educational goals. If balancing multiple responsibilities has kept you from furthering your education, consider the flexibility of online programs. Getting a degree in psychology, for instance, enables you to delve into how minds operate and how emotions influence behaviors, empowering you to offer better support to those in need. Demonstrating your commitment to education enriches your skills and serves as a powerful lesson to your children about the value and impact of continual learning. Blend Hobbies and Learning. Integrating your child’s hobbies into their academic learning can make education a more enjoyable and relatable experience. This approach allows them to see the practical application of their studies. It encourages them to engage more deeply with the material, reinforcing that learning can be a personal and enjoyable journey. Connecting academic concepts to their interests makes learning more dynamic and relevant. This method helps solidify abstract concepts by linking them to familiar activities, enhancing retention and understanding. Learn Through Play. Utilize games and playful activities to introduce and reinforce new concepts. This method makes learning engaging and less intimidating, allowing your child to explore complex ideas in a fun and supportive environment. Games also promote problem-solving skills and creative thinking, which are essential for academic success. Playful learning is particularly effective in keeping young learners eager and attentive. Incorporating educational games provides a hands-on learning experience that is both informative and enjoyable. Expressive Learning. Allow your child to express what they have learned in various creative forms such as drawing, writing stories, or building models. This flexibility in expression helps them internalize their learning and discover their preferred methods of communication, which can boost confidence and enjoyment in their educational journey. Encouraging diverse forms of expression caters to different learning styles and reinforces understanding through creativity. This variety keeps learning exciting and promotes a deeper connection with the material. Growth Mindset. Teach your child that intelligence is not fixed but can grow with effort, persistence, and the right strategies. Emphasizing a growth mindset encourages them to embrace challenges, persevere through difficulties, and view setbacks as opportunities to learn and improve. This mindset fosters resilience and a positive attitude towards learning challenges. Instilling this belief early on helps children view learning as a continuous, evolving process rather than a finite achievement. Navigating Bumps in the Road. There will be bumps in the road on yours and your child’s life journey. When your child is frustrated, rebellious, or acts out, use your calming voice and active listening to help him calm down. If necessary, encourage him to be still and to breathe deeply, role modeling for him. Help him turn his crisis into a learning opportunity with positive psychology. Help him turn “what ifs” (anxiety) into “I wonders” (curiosity), with expected positive outcome, to promote his learning. For example, “What if I don’t get it right?” becomes “I wonder when I will get it right.” Help him soar with positive expectations in the face of adversity. Praise Effort Over Results. Finally, focus on praising the effort, strategies, and processes your child employs rather than just the outcomes. This shift in focus helps build resilience and a positive attitude towards continuous learning, which are essential traits for academic and personal success. Celebrating effort over perfection encourages children to persist even when faced with difficulties and to find joy in learning. This approach nurtures a healthy perspective where the value of education is seen in the effort and growth, not merely in the final result. In fostering a love for learning, parents lay the foundation for their children's future, equipping them with the tools to navigate the complexities of life with confidence and curiosity. We can ensure our children grow into lifelong learners by taking active steps to make learning enjoyable and integral to daily life. Let’s help them see that pursuing knowledge is a joyful and enriching path. If you enjoyed this article, you can find more helpful content at THEREFORMYKIDS.COM! ![]() So, our brain is the most complex organ in our bodies. We house 14-16 billion neurons in our thinking brain. Each cell carries neurochemical signals from one to another, giving action to our thoughts and feelings. Many signals are automatic, where our bodily functions operate. Many also are targeted by our conscious thought. These are the signals in our brains that we can control…that we can change. Actually, changing your brain neural pathways is the positive outcome of counseling and psychotherapy. Mentalligent psychotherapy is a means of getting there. For example, let me give voice to 10-year-old Brandon’s brain. His 7-year-old brother, Jordan, got home from school first and started gaming on their desktop computer. Brandon saw (prefrontal cortex, vision) what his little brother was doing. “Hey,” he thought, “He’s messing with my stuff (transfer to the hippocampus for memory comparison) just like he always does. Well, (hippocampus sorting) he won’t get away with it this time (hippocampus choosing fight option). I’ll show him (transfer to the amygdala, firing up anger).” Brandon then stomped over to the computer, yanked Jordan out of his chair, and shouted, “My turn, twerp. Get lost (transfer to the prefrontal cortex, analysis, poor executive function, verbal and tactile responses).” Now, fast forward 20 years, and Brandon is addressing his anger management issues in outpatient psychotherapy. “You know,” he begins to recount with his therapist an exchange he had had with a coworker, “this new hire, Davidson, has only been with our marketing firm for a month. We were discussing re-hashing ideas for a new ad campaign at the water cooler yesterday morning. I came up with an original approach, and we joked and laughed about how well it might be received in the staff meeting.” “Well,” Brandon continued, “don’t you know that later that very afternoon, during our staff meeting, this jerk pitched my idea without giving me any credit, and the boss loved it (prefrontal cortex, auditory).” “Wow! How did you handle that?” I asked. “Well, I’ll tell you what I wanted to do (transfer to hippocampus). I wanted to jump across the table, wrap my hands around his neck, and choke the truth out of him, that it was my idea and he was taking credit that was meant for me (hippocampus sorting, 10-year-old memory flashed, fight option, transfer to the amygdala, rage chosen, transfer to the prefrontal cortex, analysis, unhealthy executive functioning, visual, auditory, tactile response). “Now, instead, I heard his bootlicking (prefrontal cortex, auditory), took several deep breaths (transfer to hippocampus, freeze option), gave myself a pep talk (transfer to the amygdala, reassurance, calm, commitment to change), and smiled at Davidson across the table (transfer to the prefrontal cortex, analysis, healthy executive functioning, visual, tactile response).” This therapeutic outcome, borne out of multiple sessions of mentalligent psychotherapy, sheds light on how concerted therapeutic intervention can generate new neural pathways for specific circumstances, the expression of neurogenesis. Over time, and with much concerted practice, the former neural pathways wither for lack of use. The new ones strengthen, generating reinforcement, and then they thrive as the new normal for the patient. In my book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I share with you the process of changing your brain to reach your goals. Blessings, Jon ![]() Blessings come in all shapes, sizes and forms. While the reference has a spiritual connotation, generically a blessing is a positive spin on an event that benefits you in some way. My patients seek me out in part because they are dealing with extreme and confusing emotions, life-altering trauma, or relational issues and are just out of sorts. I have even had some folks tell me they feel cursed. So, my job is to help them find the blessing in their upside- down life. Mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT) is my vehicle as they travel the path of their healing journey. I tell folks that I’m not a “why” doctor. I’m not going to just help them feel better. I’m not going to just help them get over their difficult past. Rather than “Why did this happen to me?”, I’m a “what” doctor, not a “what” doctor. “What’s going on here? Over what can I exercise control? What’s the path forward?” Universally, we have no control over events that have happened to us. However, we have every control over how we respond to them. I assure folks that I will act as their guide on their healing journey, helping them make positive, self-affirming, better choices and creating their own good life. “So, Robert, I’m glad you made this first appointment with me. How can I help?” I started his first session with me. From the jump I want to be affirming. My subliminal message to him is simply, “I can help.” “Well, Doc, I’ve been battling depression, it seems like my whole life,” Robert exhaled deeply slumping his shoulders and casting his gaze downward. “You certainly seem to be at rock bottom,” I responded with empathy, and then continued. “Tell me how your depression has impacted you today.” “Well, let’s see,” Robert paused to put his thoughts together. “The alarm went off and I slammed it and threw it across the bedroom. I then went back to sleep, ending up being late for work. My boss tapped his wristwatch as he silently passed me in the hall. I thought, oh crap, here we go again.” Robert fell silent. “Wow!” I exclaimed. “Rough start for the day.” I paused thoughtfully, “I’m going to ask you something that may be farthest from your mind, so take a moment before you answer me.” Robert took a deep breath and, letting it out slowly he replied, “Okay…Let me have it.” “For just a moment, and just for me for now, tell me something, however small or remote, that happened today that gave you a small sliver of hope that your life is not completely going to hell in a hand basket.” He sighed again, sitting quietly before joking sarcastically, “You don’t ask for much, do you?” I gave him time to think. “You know, I didn’t ask nor expect Carol to pop in my office and offer me a cup of coffee later this morning. That was nice.” I leaned forward in my chair before acknowledging, “Great! Good for you, Robert. Take that coffee with a heartfelt thank you every time it’s offered.” I then concluded, “Ya know, a wise man once told me that what you pay attention to grows. Pay attention to the bad, it grows. Pay attention to the good, and it grows. Which do you think is going to help you lift your weighty depression? In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I introduce mentalligent psychotherapy to elegantly weave together mindfulness, positive psychology, and cognitive behavioral strategies to help patients change their life course from downward spiraling to upward spiraling. Robert began his first session with me by telling me part of his downward spiraling life story. I asked him to stay in the moment (“tell me something that happened today…”), change his focus to something positive (“that gave you a sliver of hope…), and find the good (grow it) as a cognitive behavioral strategy. MPT is an elegant strategy to help your patients find the blessing on their path to the good life. Blessings, Jon ![]() To those who live life on the edge, your world can be exciting, adventurous, exhilarating, but also exhausting, addicting, and overwhelming. Always on the lookout for the next greatest thing. Be careful or it might pass you by. Relaxing, enjoying the moment, chillin’ are not on your mind. On balance, do the positives outweigh the negatives? I don’t think so. Many years ago, my father imparted powerful wisdom to me, which he borrowed from Greek philosophers. The golden rule of Greek philosophy was this: Moderation in all things. In our newer world of counseling and psychotherapy, this golden rule has become the mantra of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I introduce mentalligent psychotherapy (MPT). Most adversity that we encounter involves some version of living on the edge. With MPT, we challenge the extremes that are filtering into our client’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Albert Ellis, with his rational emotive therapy first identified the importance of extreme words to our emotional health. Later, Donald Meichenbaum expanded the lexicon with cognitive behavioral therapy. So, what extreme words and beliefs put us living life on the edge? Such words include should, could, must, need, only, ever, never, and the like. You can see how these words limit the options to our responses. “Doc, you just don’t understand. I have to knock three times at every door I enter. “If I don’t bad things will happen,” my patient concluded after explaining an anxious situation to me. “Well, Matt, I see how your conclusions put you in a mental box.” Matt wrinkled his brow, not really knowing what I meant. I continued. “What would happen if you only knocked twice each time?” “What do you mean?” “Well, would your heart stop?” “No, that’s silly.” “Not to you, Matt,” I countered. “That box is so tight around you that you might suffocate if you don’t knock three times.” I saw Matt begin to hyperventilate and began a calming sequence with him. As Matt regained his composure, I concluded, “Now, Matt, I’m not suggesting that you give up your irrational ritual altogether. Start slowly. Every once in a while, why don’t you knock only two times and see what happens. Make it a personal experiment before you decide to moderate your behavior.” “Okay, I’ll give it a try,” Matt reluctantly conceded. The goal of CBT is moderation. With MPT, I use mindfulness and positive psychology along with cognitive behavioral strategies to reach that goal. When you step away from the edge and embrace moderation, you develop the possibility of changing your trajectory from downward spiraling to upward spiraling. You start your healing journey toward overcoming your adversities and finding better stress management and a stronger sense of resilience. Blessings, Dr. Jon |
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