Children Will Always Test The Limits

Yes. That's an absolute. Much as I loathe absolutes, this one sticks. Why? Because testing the limits is a developmental imperative. It's part of creating an individual identity. Does it always go well for the child? Not so much. Especially with youngsters, children test the limit to be sure that it's there. Without the capacity for abstract thinking, which the brain doesn't develop until around age 12, children are left with concrete yes/no, do/don't. And this is comforting to youngsters. Testing the limits is preferable to being in charge. When there are no, or porous limits for children, the ambiguity leaves them feeling very anxious and fearful. They don't know how to be in charge, so it's scary and worrying.  Because children are concrete thinkers, the best way to give your child assurance that you are in charge is to make it concrete. Plan ahead. Be a list maker. Have family meetings to develop chore lists and house rules. Kids can participate in these events, as they are growth-enhancing, but they are not in charge. As their lives are structured, consistent, and secure, their fears and worries diminish. A firm and concrete foundation for the family helps kids have more fun playing and more opportunities to grow into their individuality with confidence.