Launched into Adulthood

Do you ever brag to others about how well your adult children are doing? Well educated, great job, great family, on his/her way. How did that happen? Adolescence is the proving ground of adulthood, where our teens develop the tools to have an enriching, successful adult life. Analogous to our space program, we parents are in ground control in Houston. After graduating high school, our teens enter adult life in one way or another. Job, college, marriage, a life mostly separate from us. Before launch, we provide our teens with measures of accountability (curfew is 12 midnight, don't be late) and oversight (let me look over your college personal statement before you submit it). We guide the launch by exercising the principle of responsible freedom. Our teens have as much freedom as they demonstrate responsibility for. If/when they become irresponsible, we will pull back on their freedom and give them opportunity to learn from the mistake and regain our trust.

After launch, on their journey, we help them make mid-course corrections, much like the thruster rockets on the sides of the space ship adjust its trajectory. As parents of teens, we use advice-based parenting tools. "Been there, done that, son. Let's talk." As parents of young adults, we switch to consultative parenting. "I've got some thoughts about what's going on. Do you want to hear them?" Getting his/her permission first conveys your respect and recognition that he's grown and gone. Then you are free to convey wise counsel.

Launching your teen into adulthood can take 10 weeks, 10  months, 10 years (think boomerang kid). Be patient and use your active listening. They will get it and make you proud(er).