The Pharisees in the Bible were trying to discredit Jesus by asking him to pick his favorite of the ten commandments. Of course, He knew what they were up to, so he flipped it into a Teachable Moment. In Matthew 22: 35-40, He said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind. This is the first and most important command. And the second command is like the first: Love your neighbor as you love yourself."
I call this the Codependent's Commandment. It's about balancing self-care with other-care. When we care about others, our children, to the exclusion of caring about ourselves, we set up conditional love. In essence, I'm going to do this for you, but you owe me. We don't say that, but it's implied. When your child doesn't pick up the message, you both are left with anger, bitterness, and distance in the relationship. Not a fun time.
Throw some self-care into the mix and you can offer unconditional, or agape, love. I have tended to my needs, so life is pretty good. I'm doing this for you because I can. Have a nice day. No condition, no anger, no resentment. A win-win. You are then able to love your neighbor as you love yourself.
People confuse self-interest, selfish, and self-care. The first two are activity based. I have the time and opportunity to do this and it's fun. See you later. That's self-interest. I'm going to do this even if it bothers you. Get out of my way. That's selfish. I'm at low ebb and I need to fill me up, so I can be at my best and be there for you. How can we make this happen? That's self-care.
Lead in your life and in your family by example. Can you balance self-care with other-care? What a teachable moment. Make time for self-care.